(Lily Evans) What is your deepest wish?

[son]

A young girl roamed the halls of Hogwarts. She was not a Hogwarts student however and she was very lost. She let out a sigh and took of her stupid hat letting her red hair fall around her face before pushing a piece of it behind her ear. Most people knew this girl as Lena Torro. However, those close to her knew her as Saphira Lena Potter. One of the Potter clan that was not attending Hogwarts. Saphira was looking for her brother and has so far not had any luck in finding him today. She hadn't realized how lost she was until she actually stopped and realized she had some how found her way to the fourth floor of the school. Least she thought it was the fourth floor.

She slid down the wall and then looked down the hall. She was so confused and lost. This school had way to many things happening in it. Plus the staircases moved and that was rather unsettling for the young witch. She stood back up again and resolved to find something interesting about this floor. She might as well as she still had not found her brother Shendeth. She also had no desire to find her brother Harry. She was going to stay far. far away from that jerk. She had never really appreciated Harry. He always seemed to be praised or babied by his father. She couldn't say she completely hated him though. There was just something in her that told her hating your blood was not a good thing. Still she was sure if all three of them were forced into one room for longer than a summer she and Shendeth would probably be the only two left standing and the room itself would have blown up.

The Potter children were not your normal siblings. Saphira after all had run away not being able to stand the constant fighting that went on in the house. Of course she had wanted to return home she just felt unworthy to do so after one too many things she knew not how to explain. She heard footsteps and ducked into a room. She didn't want to be caught wandering and teased to no end for loosing her way be it by some Durmstrang student or Beauxbatons student or Hogwarts student that may have lost their way as well. though she doubted that any of the older Hogwarts students would get lost so easily.

She heard the footsteps pass and walked out of the room. Out of no where a book hit her in the head. "Ow that hurt!" She turned to see none other then Peeves. She'd heard stories about him and she was not all to pleased. He started trying to poke her with a stick and she took off down the halls letting out a scream. A few minutes later Peeves lost interest in her and she found herself in a room with a mirror. She sat in the corner of the room curled up into a ball. She didn't look into the mirror getting an odd feeling that she shouldn't even be in the room.

She didn't leave however. because she still felt that if she left Peeves would gain interest in her again. Of course the poltergist could always appear in the room and scare the living day lights out of her there. She took a deep breath and then heard footsteps outside of the room and watched as the door began to open. She wondered who it was the was intruding on a hiding student. Her blue uniform would give her away in the darkness as it was light and easily seen in low light because of the contrast to the surrounds. Still she waited and curled up tighter into a ball laying her hat down next to her and cursing at the fact that she didn't bring her teddy bear. Though if she thought hard enough it would appear as she had found out a while ago.

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[krisy]

Lily roamed the halls, as she often did since returning to her old school. Most of the memories that came with it were pleasant, though there were always bad ones hidden away somewhere. Lily had been rather popular during her days at school. Of course that meant nothing when it came to the Slytherin house. She of course was a ‘mud-blood’ and like many other muggle-borns got the brunt of their mischief. In their eyes she and those like here were unworthy of being in the prestigious school.

James of course would always jump in and try to save her. Showing her what a hero he was. It never really did impress her. In fact it often made her feel helpless like she was incapable of defending herself. She hated being the damsel in distress. For most of their years at Hogwarts it had been like that. It wasn’t until their sixth and seventh year when James had seemed to change. Her friendship with Sev was no longer valid, and Lily missed having a male best friend.

James of course wasn’t like Sev in anyway. James always needed to be the center of attention. He didn’t take his studies as serious as Sev, nor did he follow the rules as often as he should. She had to remind herself though that he wasn’t that bad, and after allowing herself to go on a few dates for him she found out just how charming he could be. Of course their love didn’t last long. Not long after the war things hand changed and she realized that she no longer had loved the man.

A sigh escaped her lips and she found herself on the fourth floor. A student wearing a blue dress darted behind one of the doors, as Peeves went flying past her. “Oooh ickle Beauxbatons students!” A hysterical laugh escaped his translucent lips. “Such easy targets they are.” He turned and found his way back to her. “If it isn’t wee little Potty Potter.”

A sigh escaped her, and her wand slipped from the holster and into her hand. “Oh Peeves, it’s always good to see you.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm. According to Hogwarts, A History Peeves ‘came with the school’ when it was first being put together, and ever since had been reeking havoc on all of its occupants. Of course the Bloody Baron was an exception. “It’s not Potter anymore either.”

“Yes, Peeves knows. Peeves hear things, he does. You be a wee Evans again. Potter was always so much more fun then you. You use to report Peeves…” His translucent face contorted into one of mock anger. “Not that it is of any matter. At least Potter knew how to have a bit of fun. Unlike you who seems to always have a stick up her-”

Lily’s wand was quick in her hand as she sent a silent Waddiwasi through the air lodging a small pebble up his nose. He let out a screech and disappeared. Lily rolled her eyes, use to the Poltergeists usual taunts. She moved along the corridors slipping into the door where she saw one of the Beauxbaton students go.

She held her wand high with the lumos spell in effect. “Hello?” She whispered as she came upon a girl on the floor. “Are you alright?” She asked kneeling level with her. Her face was hidden by a curtain of red hair much like her own.

[son]

Saphira knew that Peeves came with the school. It was just that she didn’t like him sneaking up on her and trying to scare her. This incident had not been the first. Okay so it was the second time the poltergeist came out of no where and decided to scare the living daylights out of her. The poltergeist seemed to like throwing books and other objects at people’s head. The first time he had come up to her he’d made mention of her mother. She was not sure how Peeves knew Lily was her mother but she figured it might be the fact that she was almost a carbon copy of her mother. She couldn’t really even see the features in herself that might have made her like her father. As a young child people had trouble with it as well. Some thought that Lily simply just cloned herself in order to get a daughter. She’d had twin boys before hand. Their family looked nothing like each other. Least not to people that just gave the small family a once over glance. Saphira put that out of her head as she watched the handle of the door slowly open.

Maybe someone had seen her come into the room. She was hoping that it wasn’t someone who was going to scold her for doing so. She took her eyes off the door and looked around the room a little bit. There didn’t seem to be much in the room really. A glint of almost cold caught her eye but she looked back at the door when she heard someone cast the Lumos charm into the class room. Her head went back down again to avoid the bright light that shot out of the other person want to illuminate the room. It dimmed of course after the initial incantation was called out. Saphira was one of those people that didn’t like that charm really. She rather liked her dark places dark.

Second later however the person who had come into the room was kneeling in front of her. Saphira was glad that her hair was covering her face for the moment being so that she could get used to the fact that the lumos spell was on the wand in front of her as well. The voice however that came from the other person made Saphira gasp. Her heart skipped a beat and her head went into overload mode almost immediately. She struggled to start a breathing exercise just so she wouldn’t automatically pass out. She had intended to come down to the dungeons to find Shendeth and who was she staring at right now? She couldn’t believe it she didn’t want to believe it at the moment but it was true. Her mother was kneeling in front of her but she had not seen her face yet. She thanked the heavens for her hair for a moment as she started to calm herself down.

About a minute later and awkward silence Saphira looked up pushing her hair out of her face. A little red ribbon was tied to her left wrist and was something that she had down since she was a little kid. The words that came out of her mouth were soft soothing almost the exact match of her mother’s tone of voice at her age. ”I’m alright. Peeves just ummm…well he hit me in the head with a book so I ran away.” That was the truth really. Now with her eyes adjusted to the light slightly she saw as mirror in the room with them. She wondered if it was the rumored Mirror of Desire. She’d heard rumors that floated around this school like wildfire. She wasn’t sure what to believe as truth or as just a rumor. She was struggling in a sense not to stutter. It was something she did when she was nervous and right now she was extremely nervous.

She sat and waited for a reply from her mother. She was not sure what she was going to do next or what her mother was going to do. She curled up tighter in her ball and hid her face again hoping that all of this would just be a dream. Of course she knew it wasn’t and it was probably about time she actually faced up to her fears. If she didn’t then she’d never be a whole person again not that being a whole person was on the top of her agenda. She’d lost the feeling of worthiness a long time ago and since had been loosing pieces of her into the dark abyss where she locked herself away.

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[krisy]

Lily’s eyes watched as the girl tucked the locks of red hair way from her face. What she saw befuddled her. Looking back at her was a girl who looked remarkably similar to herself. The hair, eyes, pale complexion and the light freckles that lined the top of her checks and the bridge of her own were parallel to that of her own. It didn’t take a genius to know who it was sitting in front of her. Saphira had been the youngest of her children. That dreaded night when she had disappeared was one of her worst memories. Not knowing where she was and if she was okay made Lily sick since Saphira had gone missing.

But now she was sitting there in front of her. Her body curled in a tight ball. Lily didn’t know what to make of it. Her daughter didn’t seem to be to happy to see her and it made Lily wonder why. She herself wasn’t exactly sure what she was feeling. A swirl of relief, happiness and anger was what she felt. She was relieved that her daughter was alright. Happy that Saphira was alive and by the looks of it well, and angered by the fact that Saphira never reached out for her. She was at Beauxbatons by the uniform she wore. She could of owled, and Lily would have apparated or flooed to get her. Instead she left James and her worry for four years about what had become of their youngest child.

But for now she let the anger pass. Now wasn’t the time to be getting into such matters. Lily’s hands reached out for the smaller ones. They were cold and slightly clammy but Lily was quick to recognize the ribbon around the girls wrist. It was an odd compulsion that Lily never quite understood. The same went for the teddy bear she use to carry around, but not spotting it in the vicinity Lily wondered if she had outgrew it. “Saphie.” A hoarse whisper escaped her lips, as she held the girls hands in her larger warm ones.

[son]

It wasn't that Saphira wasn't happy to see her mother. She was over joyed she just didn't know if she was ready for the mix of emotions that came into her and her mother. She knew her mother was probably happy to see her but angry as well. She didn't like her mother angry or upset on her account. As a matter of fact she didn't like anyone upset with her unless it was James or Harry that is. She wasn't sure how to deal with the emotions welling up inside of her. She had long ago shut off her emotions thinking that they would only get into trouble. Of course her emotions had a mind of their own. When she was a very small girl her emotions would cause her to pass out because they would send her into a systems overload. That's exactly what they were going to do to her now if she didn't calm hself down. She looked back again at her mother readjusting her hair and uncurling only a little bit. She wasn't sure what she would say or so but she figured she'd let her heart dictate that. Her heart knew her better then her own head did.

Saphira was the baby. The one that her mother worried about the most. She knew that very well. She did not get everything she wanted just cause she was the baby. She was however she got in way more trouble with her father then she ever did with her mother. She loved her mother with everythiing that she had. Deep in her soul her mother was always holding her. She was an independent little girl and in running away had showed not only her stubbornness but her naivity. Still now it would look as if she had done well on her own. That was a completely lie. She had lost everything. She was not the same little girl her mother knew. She could act like it but in all honesty she was lost. confused. and generally felt worthless. She was walking through life a hollow shell who did not want her emotions to get the better of her. She wasn't even sure if she was living anymore. She was not afraid of love. Something one should never be afraid off. Still she could show the outside world that she could be kind and cruel at the same time. But she locked her soul and self deep withing a dark abyss so she stayed protected and wasn't hurt again.

"I'm sorry mommy. I...I didn't know how to approach you again after I ran away." Saphira knew that her mother was probably going to be angry with her for not reaching out. Saphira didn't know how to anymore. She had felt unworthy to but she had kept on eye on her family. She was always unseen through. She held tightly to her mothers hands. A second her teddy bear appeared and one hand let go so she could hold it close to her. The ribbon around her wrist was so that she could tie her hair up if need be. When it was tied up it usually meant she was dancing or experimenting. "I'm so so sorry mommy" Seconds later she was crying and shivering against her mother. The emotions that welled up inside of her were coming out and getting the better of her. She didn't care if her mother was mad at her. She was truly happy to see her.

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[krisy]

Lily didn’t know what to say as she held her daughter against her. She was sobbing against her robes; Lily took the time to run her hair through the familiar locks. She no longer felt angry. Not at the moment anyways. Lily was sad and heartbroken that her daughter had gone four years without anyone to confide in, and to the best of her knowledge had no one to love and protect her. Lily wished she could turn back time and change what had happed. She would of done anything to stop Saphira from running away. She was still just a young girl, and in Lily’s mind needed to be protected from the big bad world. No matter how independent Saphira seemed, Lily knew that the girl still needed her.

The word ‘mommy’ was not lost on her. It had been years since one of her children had addressed her as such. The last one of course was Saphira herself. Neither of the boys had used such a term in years. To Lily it felt foreign, yes still heartwarming. She was still at a loss of what to say to Saphira. She wasn’t sure how to comfort the girl, or know what she had gone through. So for several long minutes she didn’t say anything and just let Saphira cry. Lily held her as tight as possible. Her hand still playing the familiar tresses.

“Saphira Lena Potter,” Lily sighed, laying her head atop her daughters. “You should know that in spite of everything and anything you could come to me. I’m your mother… You should trust me to take care of you and to always do what‘s right for you.” Her words came out in an unhurried whisper. “You do, however have a lot of explaining to do. There is so much I need to know about your new life. Who is looking after you? Where have you been living, and with who… I would be lying if I didn’t say I was disappointed in you Saphira. You should know that you can’t runaway from your problems.”

[son]

Saphira had imaged seeing her mother for the first time after four years to be a little bit different then what it was at the moment. She hadn't expected to cry before she could get more of a story out. She knew her mom would have questions and that her mother would be angry that she didn't try to come to her. Saph knew that she could go to her mother for anything. She had been taught that when she was a small child. It was just that with the event of running away and what happened after that, that made her feel unworthy to go home. How was she exactly going to explain that to her mother. She still needed her mother badly. Madame M was always so nice to her and treated her much like her own daughter taking her with her when they left that school for the summer so that she wouldn't have to go back to the orphanage.Of course Madame M knew how she was and that she had gone through something no child should have gone through. Still she treated her with kindness and made sure that she was safe where she was at all times.

Saphira started to calm down as her mother ran her hand through her hair. She'd calmed down from nightmares when her mother did the exact thing or when her mother was putting her to bed. There were only two people that cold calm her down from anything. It was her mother and Shendeth. No one else really knew how to calm her down and make her feel alright again. Saphira started to allow herself to stop crying and to shut off the emotions again. It got easier when one was being calmed down to do such things. Then she felt her mother lay her head atop her own gently. She could hear what her mother was saying as she has stopped sobbing and the tears were drying. She pushed away from her mother when Lily said she was diappointed in her. Saphira has half expected that answer to everything. She took a deep breath trying to think of ways to explain things to her mother. She had failed to tell her big brother the first attempt she made at telling him what happened to her.

She rubbed her eyes to make the tears completely disappear. She had on her usual calm look of indifference through it would seem a bit off in the situation to her mother. She was at least calm now so there was nothing in a sense to worry about. She hated when her full name was used against her. It never made her feel good and it was the last thing that her father or mother had said to her before she had run away. She looked straight into her mother's eyes for a long moment. "I know mommy but I didn't feel worthy anymore not after what happened after I ran away. I did...I did try to come home and I checked up at the house but I felt dirty and unworthy to knock on the door and step in once again." She took a deep breath not really knowing how to explain what she had just said to her mother. However, her mother had asked her questions that she could somewhat answer right now. Actually she could answer them for the current moments in times but she needed to start from the beginning she just was afraid of what her mother would think after she was done.

Saphira opened her mouth to speak once again. "When I ran away.I didn't go very far at first. But a man found me on the streets when it was raining one night and I was sick so he took me in. I...I tried to come back home but he never let me out of his site. Then one day I found my way home and looked in the window but you and James were fighting about something so I went back to the only other shelter I had at the time. I hated it when you two faught.I came back again but felt so..so dirty that i didn't een try to knock on the door and ran away again. I...I don't know how to tell you what he did to me. It..." She curled up and visibly shuddered. The image of the man coming up to her one night and then tying her to bed and not letting her go started to pop into her head and she started to rock herself. "A...All I can say is it was bad very very bad. It made me feel so unworthy and so broken and hollow."

She paused for a moment there digesting the rest of what her mother had asked her. It took her some time to process things occassional and it had been like that when she was little. She could easily get overwhelmed as well so at the moment she was trying to calm herself so she wouldn't pass out. She did have the feeling that she would do so anyways. It usually happened whether she liked it or not and with the emotions still spinning inside of her it was probably inevitable.She took a few deep breaths and opened her mouth but nothing came out. She closed her eyes once again and did the same thing opening her mouth again and this time words coming out of it.

"One night the police caught up with the man and murdered him right infront of me and then took me to an orphange. I've been living in an orphange in France since then. However, when I turned eleven Madame M. came and found me and took me to beauxbatons. She takes care of me during holiday time. She even drops me off in London when I want to explore around London. I'm a third year Beauxbatons student. I went looking at home this summer but you weren't there and I met up with Shendeth and he told me you and James divorced." As for her mother telling her she couldn't run from her problems she did have something a little witty to say back to that. "I know I can't run from my problems. But you weren't listening so I left thinking you might listen then. I don't run away from them anymore. I have to ability too anymore. I just can't explain everything now because its too hard." She uncurled and stood up. She wasn't done speaking to her mother but she didn't want to be sitting anymore. She thought about making a move to the object in the room but didn't. She picked up her teddy bear and held it closer to her.

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[krisy]

It seemed like several minutes had passed before Saphira began to speak. And when she finally did speak Lily absorbed her every word. Saphira was giving her the pieces of the muzzle that she had been missing for nearly four years. She still didn’t understand why she didn’t come back. Lily thought that if it was her she would of gone running back to her mother without a second thought.
Saphira didn’t need to say what the man had done to her. Lily felt that she already knew by her daughter’s words and her reaction. Lily paled considerably, a horrible feeling at the pit of her stomach. A sudden rush of anger coursed through her. She thought the man was lucky he was already dead. Lily would of done a number on him for what he had put her daughter through.

As Lily thought of it she began to realize that her little girl wasn’t really a little girl anymore. She had been through some horrible things in the last four years. It was to look at her the same. She wasn’t as innocent as she was back then. Lily knew that it was partially James and hers fault. They were fight often around that time. It was only fueled worse by Saphira running away. At first it had brought them together as they searched for their daughter. But as time went on they reverted back to their old ways. One blaming the other for what had happened to their only daughter.

Lily ran a weary hand over her face, shaking her red locks. She still couldn’t believe that some man had violated her daughter. She in no way wanted to blame Saphira for it. It wasn’t her fault. She was just a little girl. Lily however wanted to dig the man up, bring him back to life just to torture him again. She wanted some revenge, some amount of justice for Saphira.

She didn’t know what to say to her to make her feel better. Lily knew that there was nothing she could do to make whatever pain Saphira was feeling go away. It didn’t stop her from hugging her daughter closer. “Shendeth knew that you were okay? He never told me…” She muttered, thought anger was still coursing through her veins. How could her son know that Saphira was alright and not tell her? It seemed as if all of her children wanted to make her suffer.

When Saphira moved away Lily stayed kneeling on the floor. “I understand,” she muttered, letting out a small sigh. “I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you. I wish you would of made me listen.” She whispered, starring at a crack in the stone floor. “Your father and I have divorced… I insist that you come and live with Shendeth and I this summer. Perhaps I can convince Harry to move back too. He’s living with Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. James…your father had an accident. I don’t think he’ll be recovering. At least not anytime soon. Perhaps once we’re all together we can start repairing this family.”

[son]

Saphira was sure that her mother couldn't understand why she didn't run back to her. The thing was was there was a gap in the mother daughter relationship that kept Saphira away. She wasn't sure how her mother would feel has she come back that early but really the main issue was her father. What her would James start calling her had he found out what happened to her those years back. She was sure her mother had figured out what had happened to her without her saying it. How was a thirteen year old supposed to express the fact that she'd been not only beaten but raped more then once and then made to watch the man that did it die in front of her with no sympathy from the cops that came to stop him. She wasn't the only one and she his death wasn't the first she had seen while with the man. The memories started to flood her head and she started to get dizzy again but she would stay standing. She was stronger then that. She could handle this. She wasn't a little girl anymore but she still desperately need her mother. She could tell from the body movements of her mother that she was angry with the man.

Saphira hadn't meant to be so selfish back then. She hadn't meant to hurt her parents so badly but she felt so unworthy of being their daughter. She had gotten in way over her head and into a situation worse then her parents just yelling constantly and had no way of escaping it. The memories haunted her dreams and she sometimes didn't even sleep at all for fear of those dreams. She had wanted to be found days after she had left but when she didn't want to be found unconsciously she would not be found. She would not be found until all parts of her wanted or needed to be found like now. She could avoid her mother all she wanted but this was the time that she needed to meet her again. This was the time that had been long awaited in the young girl's mind. She wasn't sure if this was how she thought it would go but it was going a bit better then she had nightmares about. She still didn't want anything to do with her brother Harry but she would be find with her mother and Shendeth.

Saphira had never thought of getting revenge on the man that had shattered her childhood. No she had thought about revenge on the men that killed him without realizing she was there. They knew she was they had seen her. But no they killed him and then picked her up and dropped her off at an orphange and didn't even thing twice. The orphange wasn't much better and she was constantly teased and made fun of. She wanted revenge on all of them but she wasn't the type of person to take it. She knew deep down it was all her fault. "Don't think of revenge on him mommy. It's my fault in the first place. Its my fault that I didn't get away when I had the chance. Its my fault for not coming home. Its all my fault for being called a freak for most of my life. All of it was my fault. I should have never been born." She knew exactly where those words were coming from. She had thought them many times before. Her last words she had thought every time Harry had done something to her and they both had gotten punished and when her father called her a freak. She should have never been born then everything in the family would have been just fine. She'd been told by her father that she caused most of the problems anyways. He's never said she shouldn't be born though. He stopped himself before saying that.

She knew she's put her mother in worry and pain and was a horrible daughter for doing so. She wasn't worthy of any of this. She wasn't worth of living but then she's never off herself. That wasn't like her. Her bipolar and PTSD tendencies were starting to show. She couldn't see he room or her mother properly now. She fell to her knees and stayed there unable to move from that spot. She heard her mothers voice but it was starting to sound far away. "I met Shendeth in Diagon Alley and told him to tell you but he must have forgotten on accident. I ran away so fast when you came up that he probably lost track." She put her head down dropping her teddy bear as she could not hold it anymore. She kept telling herself to stand up again and grab her bear but her body was not obeying and she was tumbling quickly into a systems overload.

Her mother spoke again but her words seemed so very far away. She struggled to keep her eyes open. "I didn't know how to make you listen. I tried but I though leaving would make you listen more. I was wrong cause I never got to come back to see if it would." She was talking about her living with them and then something came into her head about her father. Someone had hurt him really bad. It had to be really bad if he wasn't going to recover soon. she was only picking up bits and pieces now unable to fully comprehend. "Who hurt James I'll hurt them." No one was allowed to mess with him except for her. With those words said she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer and she passed out falling from the kneeling position on her face thankfully right onto her teddy bear. She lay motionless barely breathing. She's passed out like this only one other time before that her mother had seen. She's overloaded and it was going to take some time to get her to wake up.

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[krisy]

She saw her daughter get a far off look in her eye and wondered what was wrong with her. Lily knew that reliving all of the past four years must have been difficult for her. Her hand reached out and gently gripped her daughters. Lily’s mind was racing. She thought that ‘motherly instinct’ would of kick in and tell her what she needed to do, but it didn’t. She wanted to be supportive of her daughter, to give her whatever comfort she needed but at that very moment Lily didn’t know what to do.So much had changed. Her family seemed to be taking a turn for the worse. “Saphira it is perfectly natural for me to want revenge on the man you used you. What he did to you…it was wrong. You are a little girl, and while you know it was wrong for him to do it to you…. You didn’t know any better!” Lily rose to her feet, her hands on her daughters shoulders. “That man is lucky he’s dead. Otherwise he would be feeling my wrath.” She sighed, letting her arms cross over her chest.

The next words out of her daughters mouth made her head spin. She couldn’t understand how she could possibly think such things. “It is not your fault! Yes, you shouldn’t have ran away and you know that was wrong, yes? But you didn’t ask for anything else bad to happen to you. You are not a freak. I do not want you to ever think such things again, do you understand me?” She waited for her daughter to respond before continuing. “The next time I see Shendeth he’s going to get a severe talking too. I don’t see how he could be so negligent. As soon as he saw you he should have told me! You could have came back home. I would take care of you. Things would be better.” Her face was pale and an intense pain was forming in her stomach. Her daughters words were worrying. It seemed as if she needed a look over from Madam Pomfrey or a licensed Healer. It wasn’t normal for such a young girl to go through such things, and Lily was certain that Saphira didn’t know how to convey her emotions properly.

Lily’s mind snapped back to James, and she frowned. “Bellatrix Lestrange got her hand…or should I saw wand one him. I don’t want you going after her though. You’re just a little girl who has already been through far to much. In time Bellatrix will get what she has coming to her. Until then we have too move on as best as we can and hope one day he’ll recover. I know you and your father don’t have the best relationship, but even James didn’t deserve what she did to him.”

[son]

Saphira was still struggling to keep her eyes open. She knew she would faint at any given moment but she needed to hear what her mother was say. Her mother's voice seemed so far away. Her far off look never left her either. It wasn't something that wasn't normal when she was reliving things or she was thinking. It was the look that scared most of her teachers when she was younger as well. They were never sure of what was going on in her mind and many of them told her parents she was hard to handle and why. They just didn't understand her. At one point she could remember being sent home from school becase she had passed out in class and that teacher had been the only teacher to ever realize that the way he taught overwhelmed his students. When she had gotten back his teaching style had changed somewhat and it was easier to understand him. That was a happy memory admist the four years of torture and torment she had gone through. Sure there were happy memories in that but for four years she'd closed herself off to the world in the dark abssy she so desperately clung to now. No one knew that true Saphira anymore. Not ever Saphira herself at times.

Locked deep within was a scared little girl. She felt her mother grip her hand and she could feel warmth that she hadn't felt in some times now. It made her even dizzier then she already was and her eyes closed with her quickly opening them again so she could stay with it for just a little longer. She needed to hear what her mother had to say."He got what he deserved mommy...i...i want the ones that...that just dropped me off at the orphange doors to pay. I want them to know the pain and the misery I went through." Her own voice was distant and cold. She wanted them all to pay for what they had done to her but she knew that it was her fault as well. It was all her fault and she would have to own up to that. She'd been living with those feelings for a good three years now. Ever since the man had died and she had been put in the aweful place. "It is my fault mother. Had I not run away it wouldn't have happened." The tears started to flow again and this time she didn't even attempt to try and hide it. She was surprised at how salty tasting they were as they touched her lips.

She could hear her mother tell her that she was not a freak and to not think such things again. "How can I stop thinking that way when I'm constantly told and constantly reliving it. HOW!" The last part was a desperate scream as the tears still flowed from her eyes. "Don't be angry with Shendeth mother. I told him no. I ran off from him when you came up. But I did tell him to tell you I was okay. Don't be angry with him please please don't." She didn't like her mother angry with any of them. She started shaking almost uncontrolably. Her body was starting to shut down and her emotions were starting to take control once again. She'd never really know how to control them even as a little girl. Things just happened like flickering of lights when she was upset. She hear the name Bellatrix and her mother's warning about not going after the woman. How could Saphira do that now. She was safe at school. That lady would get what was coming to her. No one messed with her father and got away with it. Even if she didn't like him she wouldn't let anyone else harm him.

"I will get her back...She will be punished for hurting daddy." It was the first time in years that Saphira who'd almost always called her father James called him daddy out loud. A term of endearment that she never felt suited was right for him. "She will get punished badly...with her life...for hurting daddy." With that Lily could feel her daughters shoulders collapsing and her body going limp right within her hands. Saphira could no longer stay stable and the world went black as if there were no more lights or reasons to live. Saphira's breath caught and became shallow. Her pulse slowing.

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[krisy]

Lily frowned as she looked at her daughter. “Saphira, they were just doing their job. You can’t blame them for that. I’m sure you haven’t had the best four years, but the blame can’t be put on innocent bystanders. If you want to blame someone then blame me.” Lily started to worry about her daughter more at this instant. While she knew such feelings were eminent she didn’t want her daughter to feels so unforgiving. People who didn’t learn how to forgive became spiteful, and that was something she didn’t want any of her children to become.

Lily had to take some calming breaths before responding to her daughters further questions. Though Lily had assumed that they were rhetorical. “It doesn’t matter what other people think of you Saphira. It is what you think of yourself. Do you consider yourself a freak? I see no reason why you should. Some people opinions should be taken to heart love.” Lily struggled to find the right words. Even now she felt like she wasn’t saying anything right. But she didn’t know what else to say. It seemed at this moment nothing she said would calm her daughter. It was then that Lily thought she wasn’t a very good parent. She wished James were here to help her with the words. Doing the parent thing on her own was now becoming difficult and it had only been a couple of weeks. It didn’t feel right that James wasn’t apart of this reunion. Despite their differences she knew that he would be happy to see his only daughter again.

Lily sighed, and looked down. Her hair that was so much like her daughters curtained her face. “I’ll try not to be angry with Shendeth…but he hasn’t exactly made it easy for me not to be.” She said looking up at Saphira, as she ran a hand through her own red hair. “Saphira it is not your job to strike revenge. You’re just a child who has already seen far to much of the dark world. You need to leave such things to grown ups. You need to let me worry about Bellatrix Lestrange. If anyone will get her back for what she did it will be me.” She said bravely, puffing out her chest.

At that precise moment Saphira had collapsed. Lily had reached out to grab her, but instead the girls dead weight pulled Lily down with her. She stared taken aback at the young girls limp frame and her pale face. Saphira’s breathing wasn’t any comfort to Lily. It was shallow, causing Lily’s own heart to beat rapidly in her chest. She lightly slapped her daughter in the face a couple of times, yelling her name. It was then that she took out her wand and used a silent Rennervate to bring her daughter out of unconsciousness.

[son]

Saphira had no clue how to tell her mom that she felt utterly worthless of any of this. Her mother was a wonderful mother. She had not meant to upset her so but as the blackness faded she began to forget what they were talking about. She was supposed to leave her mother to deal with Bellatrix but she still wanted to hurt the lady. There would be no changing her mind on that. She knew she was just a little girl but she didn't take kindly to someone hurting James. She did hope that her father would recover from the torture that the lady had put him through. Hopefully living with their Aunt and Uncle Harry had learned to be more humble as well. She highly doubted that but she could hope. She didn't want her family spit apart but she knew that some of them couldn't handle being under the same roof as the others. She knew that her parents marriage was done for but all of this was too much for the thirteen year old to handle.

She let the darkness take her. There was no pain and no thoughts left in her mind. It was all just black. She rather liked it this way. She didn't have to feel anything. She was in the abyss of her mind where she was truly her. Of course the her in the abyss was telling her that they both needed to reach for the surface again so as not to send mother into a panic mode. Mom it took all ten seconds for her to realize that she was with her mom but she couldn't remember anything else.

Her eyes slowly opened looking dazzed and confused. She tried to focus her eyes which were having issues doing so. She really did hate passing out like that but then she liked the being passed out part. She took a deep breath closing her eyes and opening them again. She was back to being able to focus on things. She was still confused as she couldn't remember how she got the way she was at the moment. "Mommy what happened?" She hated losing track of time but it happened a lot if she got overwhelmed by something. It happened once when she was a little girl and a teacher had tried to teach the class just way to much in one day. She'd been sent to the hospital wing in Beauxbatons a few times for it as well. She sat up and found her teddy bear and grabbed a hold of it and then returned to her mother's arms. "You feel so warm mommy." She leaned against her mother and thought of nothing else but the fact that she was with her mother once again.

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[krisy]

Lily smiled hearing her daughters voice, and for several minutes didn’t say anything and just held her only daughter in her arms. She tried desperately to put all the bad thoughts from her mind, but Lily being who she was…was a constant worrier. The slow steady breathes of her and her daughter calmed her, as she closed her eyes to regain control over her thoughts and emotions. She knew most of her words fell on deaf ears for her children, and she doubted that Saphira had listened to everything she said. She now had to worry about Harry and Saphira trying to get their hands on Bellatrix Lestrange.

Lily flicked her hair over her shoulder, looking down at the sad form of her daughter. “You just blacked out for a few minutes. Maybe I should take you to Madam Pomfrey… Make sure everything is okay with you. Are you feeling alright?” She asked. Though at that moment it seemed like a ridiculous question to ask. Saphira had been through so much that Lily wondered if she would ever be ‘alright’. Lily rose to her feet and offered her hands out to help Saphira up.

Lily looked around the room and noticed the large mirror with odd engraving around the frame. She lightly held on to her daughters fingers and took a step towards the foggy glass. She knew what it was. She had seen it before when she was just a little girl of Saphira’s age. The Mirror of Erised. It showed the deepest desires of one’s heart, or at least that’s what one of the seventh years had told her. The last time she saw it though it was in the dungeons. She wondered know if she should step in front of it. To see if her desires had changed since she was a young girl. She assumed that they had changed…but she wondered what it was that she would see.

[son]

Saphira wondered what was going on in her mother's head as she laid there in silence. Something told her that she had told her mother what had happened to her in the past four year but she couldn't remember saying it. She also could remember a vague feeling that she wanted to hurt someone for hurting James. She wasn't fully aware of what happened or what that was. Actually she wasn't fully aware of were she was right now. She hated not remembering anything after one of her episodes. She hated being overwhelmed by things though it came out of her bipolarness and post traumatic stress disorder. She didn't take pills or anything for it and was not sure how it was supposed to be treated in the first place. She only know what she was going through because well she had gotten her hands on a muggle psychology book and a test. She couldn't remember where from but she had found out that though she got overwhelmed as a small child that carried on over and added to the list of things that didn't make her normal. Still she wanted to remember but it was probably good that she didn't.

A voice in the back of her head told her that it was better to remember bits an pieces until she could take knowing more and more without passing out again. She agreed with the voice only half knowing that it was the true her in the abyss she had locked herself away in. She would rise again at some point. From the ashes of the abyss into the world shinning bright and new but that wouldn't be for awhile. Least that was what the voice and her and decided. She shook her head and let the silence fall around her again. She could hear her mother saying something to her again which called her back out of her musing. She shook her head rather fast at the mention of a doctor. She didn't want to go anywhere near anyone that was going to touch her or ask her questions about what was wrong. However she wasn't a suberb lier and she could never like to her mother. She wasn't alright to say the least.

"I'm a little dizzy but okay." That was only partially a lie that came out of her mouth. It was more omitting the fact that she thought she was going to throw up and needed a nice long nap. Still she didn't want her mother to worry anymore. Saphira looked for her Bear which really didn't take that long to get into her hands again as her mother rose and she took her hand to get up as well. Her school hat had gone back to the carriage she was sure as she couldn't find it anywhere around her. She held tightly to her teddy bear. She would probably not outgrow having it near her. She tried hard to not walk around with it in her hands but sometimes she couldn't help it. She had a good reason to keep it near. After all it was given to her by Shendeth and it had worked as a security blanket in a sense since that day.

She wasn't sure where her mother was taking her as she walked with her. Her eyes completely focusing now on a mirror that was in front of the. The Mirror of Erised it said. If you put the last word in the right order it would read The Mirror of Desire. Saphira had heard stories of such a mirror when she was a little girl. Why were they standing in front of it now. She looked up at her mother and wondered what her mothers deepest wish was. Then she looked into the mirror herself and saw her with her brothers laughing and talking as if they were all a happy family. Their were three adults in the mirror as well. One that looked like Shendeth and he was holding her mothers hands. James on the other hand was standing now beside Harry as they all laughed and talked.

If Saphira was truthful to herself like the mirror showed. It really did show her deepest wish. She wished for her mother to be with the man that he had originally loved more then James and that her brothers and herself could get along. No matter how much she disliked Harry now she wanted some day for them all to take and joke around like a family was supposed to her in mind. James being there because after all he had been a part of their lives for a long time. The group stood there now staring down at her with smiles on their faces. She closed her eyes and then pulled away from her mother. "Mommy I want to leave. I...I don't feel so well." That was the pure honesty truth. She felt like she'd collapse again and she didn't want to fall on the cold floor again. Maybe...Maybe it was a good idea to go to the hospital wing even if she didn't want too. She bit her lower lip. "I...I really don't want too but...but maybe its a good idea too. Can we go to the hospital wing?"

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