(Saphira) Burn the Shadows Away

[Shendeth Potter]

They'd been at school for a couple of weeks already, and finally it was the weekend. As soon as the Beaxbatons carriage had arrived, Shendeth had known one person that would be on it. Saphira had said she was going to a different school with a group when they met in the summer. She had to be there, but so far he hadn't seen her. He wondered if she'd tried looking for him yet, but then again he didn't spend much time anywhere that was easily found. And of course he'd been busy.

But at last this morning he'd found himself alone and nowhere to be, and figured he ought to go look for her himself. The students from the other schools didn't seem to spend much time inside Hogwarts, so the place where they stayed seemed the only logical place to start. Shendeth walked out onto the grounds, past the black lake with the Durmstrang ship, and followed the edge of the Forbidden Forest to the place he thought the Beaxbatons carriage might be.

Sure enough its large blue shape eventually came into view, tucked away in its place not far away from the wall of trees. Not wanting to try to get inside, the dark haired fourteen-year-old settled himself against a tree and waited. It was in the shadows of course, so as not to attract the attention of anyone else besides the girl he was looking for, but with the door in sight. There was nothing else for it. His younger sister had to come in or out eventually; he just hoped it would be soon. He looked up at the carriage uncertainly, but all was quiet. If she didn't appear he'd leave and maybe come back another time.

[son]

Saphira lay in her bed inside the Beauxbatons Carriage. She was bored out of her mind and half the people around her were asleep. Okay so more than half were asleep. There was some that had gotten up and had made there way out of the carriage and onto other things. She finally got up and looked into her trunk for something other then blue to wear. She really didn't like being in her school uniform anymore then she had too. She found a pair of blue jeans which suited her just fine and a green t shirt. She grabbed those and found her way to the showers took one and then came out dressed pulling on her black hoodie. She was sure most of the girls that were awake and still in the carriage were looking at her oddly. She was one of those girls that never really dressed like a girl half the time. Least not to the standards of her fellow classmates. She didn't see the point in always wearing skirts and dresses.

She was walking outside of the carriage moments later. She was going to go on a search for her brother again. He had to be somewhere. She was so excited when she had heard that they were going to Hogwarts as the loaded up the carriage to come here when she had gotten to school. She couldn't wait to see her brother again. Sure she knew that Harry would be there but thankfully so would Shendeth. It took her only a matter of minutes to decide to check the edge of the forest out this morning though. She usually started the day with a walk to the trees just to look inside and see what might come out. There were all sorts of interesting creatures around and they rather fascinated her. Upon walking close to the tree line she noticed a boy sitting there. It took her all of thirty seconds to figure out that it was her brother Shendeth. She ran up to him with a smile on her face. She gave him a giant hug ad then let go.

"Hi Shendeth. I've been looking all over for you." The smile had not left her face. She was always happy to see her big brother no matter how she was feeling in the first place. She said nothing more though waiting for him to say something to her.

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[Shendeth Potter]

Thankfully he didn't have to wait long. The door to the carriage opened and somebody stepped out and came towards the line of trees. Shendeth moved forward so she could see him as soon as he saw her. He recognized the bright red hair right away. It was Saphira. He grinned and hugged her back when she ran up to him. Even after everything that changed it was great just to see her again. He'd been looking for her too.

"How are you?" he asked, not knowing what else to but looking down to study her smiling face. He wondered how she was getting on at Hogwarts and if it was what she thought it would be. Hopefully she'd be able to recover and be happier here. At least they could fix things. But he expected her to answer the question honestly as she could. Not that she'd be able to fool him anyway.

[son]

Shendeth hugged her back and she felt all warm and fuzzy inside. She liked that feeling in the first place. Then he asked her how she was. That wasn't really something she wanted to answer. She couldn't and wouldn't lie to her brother though. "I've been better. I don't fit in with them." She pointed to the carriage. It wasn't that she didn't fit in with them it was more she didn't fit in the females of her school very well. She didn't like wearing the annoying school dress attire. She liked the color blue though. She shrugged that off and figured she would tell him about seeing mother and such. She hadn't seen Harry was all had been good ironically. Least on that front anyways.

"I saw Mommy. She said that I had to come home when school ended. She was upset with me for a bit though. I expected that. Not coming to any of you for four years. She's more angry at the man that...well the one I told you about." She had told her mother everything but hadn't really had to use the words to explain to her what the man had done to her. She would have to use those words if she were to explain it to Shendeth. She didn't want him to think lowely of her though. However she wondered if Shendeth had noticed the similarities between himself and the potions master at the school Hogwarts was a rather interesting place to be and she rather liked it alot. "I like it here but some of my more vain classmates hate it here. At least here were aren't so sheltered from creatures that are rather fascinating." Her smile began to fade a bit as she looked away for a second.

"Brother if...I...if I tell you what exactly happened to me do you promise not to laugh at me or or call me a freak."

[Shendeth Potter]

Shendeth didn't really know what to say so he just listened. If only things were different. He wished they could just laugh together and be truly happy like before, without all these problems and bad memories that had changed them in the way. Saphira's not fitting in with the girls at Beaxbatons was understandable, though he had certainly never seen her as a freak or weird at all. In all honesty Shendeth was the freak.

At least she had seen their mother again and that meeting had gone as expected. "Oh." he said. "Are you going to?" He didn't know if she would go against their mother's wishes but wondered if moving back in with them at the end of the school year was too soon or what she wanted. Avoid them as he might he'd still heard some of the students from Beaxbatons complaining about how awful Hogwarts was. At least she didn't share their opinions.

Shendeth's smile faded along with hers at her request, as it would never be necessary. That sort of behavior was reserved for Harry and his stupid friends. And hopefully not even then in situations this serious. He may not have completely caught on immediately like their mother had but it didn't take a genius to guess what she might be about to say. That was the last sort of reaction anyone should have. Unless she wanted to get it out and talk about it to someone she didn't have to.
"Yes. Of course I won't."

[son]

If there was one thing that Saphira hated about Beauxbatons it had to be the fact that nothing seemed to touch them there at all. Most of the bad creatures so to speak were banished form the grounds and the school. She rather enjoyed running into Peeves even when he was scaring the living daylights out of her. It made things a little more fun. Things at Beauxbatons seemed just way too elegant. It drove her crazy that her classmates were so vain and rude. They thought they were higher then everyone else and most of them thought she was some lowely peasant type of deal. That was only some of them though. There were others that didn't really mind her being there. Though she was an outcast and that probably didn't help with her change in personality and all. She used to be far more like her mother presonality too. That part of her however was locked deep inside.

Saphira was dealing with what her actions as a young naive child got her. She was still so young and it wasn't right that she thought she as at fault for anything that happened to her against her own will. Still she thought she was. She's been made to think that way. Made to shut off her emotions if she wanted to survive in which she did and she had but not without problems. She was broken out of her thoughts by her brother asking her if she was going to go. "Yes I will come home with you and Mummy. I can't just not come home. Not when I know that if I didn't I'd make mommy even more upset at me." She wouldn't leave her mother again until she was very sure that she would be fine on her own. Or rather until it was time for her to fly the nest because she was considered an adult. She was not considered one yet so she'd stay with her mother and her brothers.

Saphira could never think of Shendeth as a freak. He said he wouldn't call her a freak or laugh at her so she looked down and took a deep breath. "A few days after he took me in he took in another girl that was a little older then me. We weren't the only ones in his house. He...He didn't do pleasent things to us. The other two were killed while..while I watched. I don't know why he kept me alive. But he kept me as a sort of pet. He...he m...moles..." She stopped speaking she could say it. She couldn't say that he's raped her and molested her. She couldn't say that was why she felt unworthy. "The cops when they caught up with him killed him without even caring that i was in the room. They knew I was there too and they did it anyways. Then just left me on the steps of the orphanage and left. The people at the orphanage called me a freak and it hasn't stopped. Even when Madame M. tells people to stop calling me that or other things." That was all she could say for now. That was really the story without so many words. There were words that could fill in the blanks if Shendeth asked but she suddenly felt exhausted. She leaned against his chest and closed his eyes shaking a little.

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[Shendeth Potter]

Finally Saphira began to elaborate on her story, and Shendeth listened seriously without interruption. It never crossed his mind to laugh. What kind of a person would? A very distant and detached small voice asked while knowing the answer was the wrong one if he would care if it was anyone besides his sister, but he ignored the irrelevant thought. An awful horror rose up inside as she confirmed what she had gone through. It didn't take thought or a question for his mind to complete the word for her, 'molested'. He could see how much it affected Saphira and felt sickened. His little sister.. it was twisted and awful. He felt her story was a nightmare and it wasn't even his own. She continued on and he understood that the orphanage hadn't exactly been a nice place either.

Shendeth didn't know what he should have said to her at first. "That's.." he let his voice trail off for a second as there weren't any foul enough words that would accurately describe what he was thinking. "I'm sorry. ..The man's lucky he's dead." he murmured very quietly. Or I'd go kill him for you, no, torture him first. Saphira was upset about having watched him killed, but he could have. He wasn't able to get angry at whoever the man had been, not when he hadn't seen him and it was so long ago and he was already dead. Just a cold, sickened hatred. Revenge was in his nature, regardless of whether it helped or not. He didn't easily forgive people.

Getting over the feeling of first hearing it, he let her lean against him and wrapped an arm around her to hold her close. Of course he had known all along that it was something like this, but she hadn't come as close to saying it in words. "You're not a freak." he said in a louder and more aggressive tone to get it through to her. She certainly wasn't, not for that. It wasn't her fault. The man was though, in the most insulting sense of the word possible. For a moment he just held her silently. "At least you're safe here. It's over." he then added more gently, trying to control the dark feelings as dwelling on it wouldn't help. That was the important thing. She was safe here and wouldn't have to be called a freak when she moved back home. It was just a memory.

[son]

The people at the orphanage had been just a snooty as some of her fellow schoolmates could get. They didn't like her one bit at all. They though her a freak because she carried her teddy around everywhere and she didn't like to speak. Though many of them never gave her the chance to say a word and the shunned her before even getting to know her. They said too many strange things happened around her. Some were even afraid of her even when she was trying to help them out. The 'mother' of the orphanage was not kind either but she didn't ever hurt Saphira. Saphira had been so happy when Madame M. found her and took her out of that place. However the school she didn't fit in in either. She figured she wasn't worthy of fitting anywhere really and that even held true to her own family at times. She missed them dearly and loved them all dearly. She just didn't think she was worthy of them for all she had done to them. It didn't matter to her that she was a little girl who knew no better.

It was a horrible horrible nightmare that she couldn't wake up from. She wanted to wake up one day and have it all have truly been just a nightmare. But no everything that had happened was truth. She woke up every day feeling dirty and worthless. Like a hollow shell. She looked her true self away in her abyss so she wouldn't wake up every day crying like she did for almost year but no one ever noticed because she wouldn't cry in front of anyone out of fear. When you were so young and told that you couldn't do something you didn't do it. Not when fear was what dictated every action and reaction you had. She was sure that if put in a really bad situation again she would change in a sense. There was more than just her in her mind. There was her she locked away, the her that was out now, and another part of her that had fought back once or twice. That had tried to hurt the cops for doing such things in front of her for just leaving her on the doorstep without getting her properly looked out. She hated everything that had happened. She hated even herself and that was what was taking its toll on her. She shouldn't hate herself but she did because she knew how wrong everything was that happened to her. She wanted the nightmares to stop she wanted it all to stop but she wasn't fool enough to kill herself off. Least not intentionally plan self harm.

She was snapped out of thinking as Shendeth began to talk. She opened her eyes and looked up at him as his voice trailed off and then he said exactly what her mother said. "Mommy sad the same thing. I want the cops to feel the pain. And those that mock me to feel it but...but i'm not that cruel...I still wish it though..." In all honesty she could never lift a finger to hurt anyone unless they were hurting her right now and they weren't. She was the only one hurting herself now. She was her worst enemy. She shuddered a bit and closed her eyes again curling up more into her brother. A single tear began to fall and then came the flood of tears. "But its all my fault. None of it would have happened if I hadn't run away. It was all my fault!"

She looked at him through teary eyes as she told her she was not a freak and that it was over. "What does it mean to be safe?" She burried her head into his chest as she cried silently.

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[Shendeth Potter]

Shendeth didn't completely know why she was angry at the cops when they were the ones who got her out of that awful place but didn't ask. They had just moved her from one awful place to another. After what had happened he didn't think it was cruel for her to want them to hurt, but then some people had called him cruel. Some people, but never Saphira. Their mother had had the same reaction. For now he just stood there and listened and let her cry, just like always.

"It's not your fault. You couldn't have known." he had to say. It was the fault of whoever had done it to her. She shouldn't have run away but she had been too young to know better. People always blamed themselves for things, but she had to understand that. She hadn't meant for it to happen.

It took a fight for Shendeth to continue to stay calm himself. Part of him wanted to cry with her, but this was the way it had always been. He had always tried to be there for her, and therefore he was the one she had always turned to. And where did he turn? Nowhere but inside himself. He just had to stay calm and deal. Yes he had Saphira, but there were things he couldn't tell her. If not in the past, then definitely never now. He didn't want to be like his sister was at the moment. Shendeth had never been one to show emotions at all. But they were still there, and sooner or later he was going to crack.

"You won't have to be hurt anymore." he managed to say quietly in reply. The past was behind her, and wouldn't happen again. He'd be there and protect her as long as he could.

[son]

Saphira was snuggled up into her brother shaking softly and trying to stop her crying. She wasn't used to crying this much. She had stopped since the man had beat her for crying once. She'd learned that crying got you no where and words sometimes didn't either. She knew however that her family thought different of that. Shendeth has always been there for her to cry and fall into a restless sleep on. She had been there for him as well but she knew she wasn't told everything that he wanted to get out of his system. They were silent and that was all Saphira needed right now. Then his words began to fill her ears once more. Like her mother he was telling her it wasn't her fault. It was true that she couldn't have known that would happen but it still felt like it was all her fault because of how she'd been treated and people telling her such things were her fault. If she hadn't done this they wouldn't have done that type of a deal. She finally took a deep breath and attempted to dry her eyes. She was sure she'd cried out all the tears she needed too right now. She worked on shutting that emotion down before she passed out and got dizzy.

Saphira was worried about her brother. He hardly ever showed emotion but she knew even this was hard on him. She looked up at him through tear stained eyes. She could tell there were emotions floating in him. He just wouldn't tell her anything but she'd be there if he needed too. That was how it worked. That was how they were when they were children. He seemed to turn inside of himself because he didn't want to tell her things and she was alright with that in a sense. She'd love to know what was going on in his mind but she would not push him. He would crack one day and hopefully on that day Saphira would be strong enough to hold him up like he was doing for her and had done for her for a long time. His voice was in her ears once again telling her that she wouldn't have to be hurt anymore. She knew full well that Shendeth would protect her because he had when they were little. She hugged him tightly and let going trying to dry all of her tears.

"T..Thank you so much brother. I...I don't ever want to be away from you and mommy again. I don't want to hurt anymore." She didn't want to feel that emotion anymore and she didn't know how to make it stop. She was messed up and she knew it well. She should have probably been taken to a hospital the night the cops took her to the orphange but they didn't seem to care enough to make sure that the girl was fine. Saphira wanted the nightmares to go away but she knew nothing would ever be exactly the same again because of what happened and because she had run away. She moved to her tipy toes and gave her brother a kiss on the check and took his hand. She had the idea of exploring the grounds or the forest with him if he wanted too but she didn't say anything and let the warmth of his touch and his hand wash away her fears.

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[Shendeth Potter]

Standing there and letting his sister cry as long as she needed to, Shendeth tried to ignore his own bitter thoughts. She had to get out her feelings, but then continuing to stay like this would get them nowhere. He didn't want to see her hurt anymore either. She'd been gone and they had hurt long enough. Too long. "I know." It seemed as though Saphira had run out of tears. Although Shendeth certainly never cried, well at least not in front of anyone, he didn't really think she was weaker because of it or that she should stop before she was ready.

Shendeth took her hand in return and looked down at her, giving her a sad smile. For a moment they just held hands, taking solace in just being together again. Then, feeling closer to normal, an idea came to mind almost as if he knew what was going on in hers. "Do you want to walk?" he asked eventually, indicating the scene in front of them. They were just standing there in the woods after all. He thought the small act of just doing something, that something being as simple, might make things feel a little better. It would be different but nice to share the school with her after all. If she was feeling up to it. It didn't really matter.

[son]

Saphira was your typical little sister most of the time. Least when she had been with her family. She followed her older brothers. Harry didn't much like it and Shendeth never seemed to mind any. That was why she got along with Shendeth so well. He tended to know the exactly right words to say. They had hurt for far to long and now it was time to start the healing process. She knew things would never be normal for her again but they could at least try to be semi normal regardless of what had happened. She was sure she was by no means done crying. However, she didn't feel like crying anymore right now. She'd done so enough in the past couple days and Saphira always got laughed at for doing so. That would all stop now. She would be strong not that she hadn't been over the past four years but she'd try to stop allowing things to hurt her. Maybe next year she'd come to Hogwarts and be away from the people who thought her completely odd.

She was glad that her brother had taken her hand. She loved standing in silence with her. Actually she just loved being with him again. As everything seemed to wash away she heard him ask if she wanted to walk. "Will you show me the grounds and the school?" She questioned like the once curious child that she was. She was definitly up for some adventure that she could get no where else but with her older brother. She wanted him to be happy just as she was sure that he wanted her to be happy. She looked at the forest for another moment and then back up to him. "Shendeth why is the forest so forbidden?"

[Shendeth Potter]

In spite of things Shendeth couldn't help thinking that this might even be a little fun. Anything that could be thought of as such was welcome. He was glad she felt the same way. "Yes, I will. Where do you want to go first?" he'd show her everything, or at least try to. Even the Hogwarts students still got lost sometimes. It was a big school and there were parts he never needed to go to. Being shown around was necessary unless you had to get used to it, which they all did eventually. Admittedly he was no tour guide and never paid attention to the first years. Actually he almost always pointed them in the wrong direction if they asked, haha, but it was on purpose.

Shendeth glanced into the darkness of the forest when she asked about it. The only reason it was forbidden was that it was dangerous. "Well, they say there's monsters in there.. werewolves and acromantulas." By the look of the woods it was easy to believe. Of course it could just be stories, possibly to cover up for something else. Calling it the forbidden forest made it more interesting, but Shendeth had never gone far enough into it to see for himself. Not many ever did. It was an unsettling place. "Why, do you want to go in?" he asked with a hint of mischief. Maybe it would be best if she said no. But he wasn't going to be scared of a few trees.

[son]

Saphira was staring at the trees of the Forbidden forest with the utmost interest. After all at Beauxbatons they were so sheltered from things such as what could be lurking in the forest. She wasn't surprisingly afraid of what they might run into. Then again that came from what she had gone through before she had been found by Madame M. She was snapped back to reality as she heard Shendeth asking her where she wanted to go first. She wasn't really sure but the forest seemed like the best place to start. They were after all on the edge of the forest. He finally told her that there were monsters and such in the forest and that was why it was forbidden. "I want to go in. I want to see what's in there." There was excitement in her voice that had not been there in years. She started to half drag Shendeth into the forest.

She was hoping that no one saw them go inside. She didn't want to get in trouble for being curious about the things that she did not know. The getting in trouble part scared her more than words could possibly express thanks to the things she had been through. However, it had not made her any less curious. She had followed Harry and Shendeth around when she was younger because she was curious. She had been with Shendeth when he first talked to a snake thing and thought it was so cool when everyone else in the family didn't. She at the couldn't understand why they were so worried. She still wasn't sure. "Come come..." She let go of his hand and ran in a little deeper but she was sure not to lose him.

[Shendeth Potter]

Shendeth followed his sister into the forest, smiling at her enthusiasm. He would have thought that getting hurt in the past would have made Saphira more cautious, as that was sort of how he thought of it, but then she had gone through far worse. Her excitement was justified, with this being her first time here and the forbidden forest not being an exactly ordinary forest. Though there really wasn't much to see except the trees unless, so it seemed, one went in really far or something found you first. It was a very interesting place in some ways. Shendeth had just never thought to come here much, although of course he and his friends had tried to poke around once or twice in the past.

"Okay." he laughed at Saphira's answer, running after her. It seemed as if their experiences had had the opposite effect on their fears. Just having lived at Hogwarts and heard the stories about the place without having to remember anything else made him a little more cautious about what they might run into once they were inside, but maybe that was part of the excitement. It wasn't like anything was going to hurt them today. There hadn't been any recent instances of somebody going in and not coming out that he knew of. Shendeth just placed worrying about getting killed above worrying about getting into trouble.

At this point he didn't care at all if he got into trouble at school. He wasn't a troublemaker most of the time, but that was just because he didn't get caught. And on the occasion he did.. so what. It didn't matter if he was a perfect student or not, and people's opinions certainly didn't either. He followed Saphira as she ran deeper into the forest. Not really knowing the best direction to go in and since it was hard to follow the paths, he let her run on ahead and lead the way wherever she wanted. Though of course he kept up, not letting her lose him and then get lost herself.