Inside and Out (Severus Snape)

[Shendeth Potter]

It was the midday break between classes, and therefore there was no rush to be anywhere for a while. Shendeth walked out onto the covered bridge, letting the rest of the class go on ahead. He stopped halfway across, looking out over the spectacular view of the grounds that it gave. Living in the dungeons instead of a tower one didn't get to see it that often.

The air was cool, but nicely so, and in the distance some of the trees had started to turn gold and orange. As Shendeth looked at them thoughts began to creep into his mind until he looked without seeing. After a few minutes he made himself return to full senses. All was quiet; the bridge was now deserted.

Shaking his long dark hair out of his eyes he stepped back away from the railing and turned to go. However at that moment the sound of footsteps coming from the opposite direction reached him, and he took a few steps forward of his own but waited to see who it was before continuing going towards them.

[snape]

Whenever Severus needed to think and it was too cold to go outside he usually walked around Hogwarts. He had explored a fair portion of the castle now, but there was still a lot that he didn't know. It constantly surprised him year after year and that was one of the many reasons why he came back even though he didn't consider himself good Professor material. He also thought of the castle as 'home' so he would stay for as long as he could.

What people didn't realize about Snape was the fact that he was actually pretty fit despite his lean frame. His arms, chest, and back had an impressive level of muscle mass because he stirred Potions and lugged heavy cauldrons day in, day out. He also walked so that his lower body wouldn't lag behind. He had different routes that he used depending on the weather and where he wanted to go. Today he was on the sixth floor where the covered bridge was located because that was one of his favorite haunts. The view was exquisite and it was pretty much the only way he could see things from such a height since he hated to fly.

He was vaguely aware of someone else on the bridge, but he couldn't quite make out who it was. Severus wasn't the type of man to turn around or back down from something unexpected like the presence of another person; no, he saved his fears for serious matters... He therefore continued and was surprised by the sudden sight of Shendeth Potter. He had more interaction with the Slytherin teen than he did with the twin, Harry. It didn't make this odd meeting easier to bear though. Snape wasn't sure what to say at first.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Potter." He inclined his head slightly. "Enjoying the view, are you?"

[Shendeth Potter]

As the man came toward him across the bridge Shendeth recognized the form of the school's Potions Master. How could he not? Although they had quite a few differences the man resembled him both inside and out. He had also inherited his mother's talent for potions, unlike Harry. However this did not mean that he and the professor had any kind of close relationship, even if he might wonder and wish to. So he didn't have anything to say, but waited for his f.. Severus Snape to speak to him, or not, if he so chose.

It turned out he did, but the words did nothing to make it less awkward. He chose to glance out over the view again rather than look at the man directly. This time he didn't let it show but if someone wanted to really irritate Shendeth calling him by his last name was a good way to do it. He didn't like it. Teachers using it as a formality was natural and expected, but that didn't make it any less annoying. Especially with this particular teacher.

In his heart he thought he knew the answer but the question he had carried for four years came to mind, though as usual he didn't dare ask. At least not yet. Snape had never treated him any different, he had just called him 'Mr. Potter' hadn't he even though they were alone, so maybe he was wrong and had been stupid to even think about it. Unless it was possible that Snape didn't know or hadn't realized it.
Turning back to face him he replied,
"Erm.. yeah. Good afternoon.. Professor."

[snape]

Severus was never very good at making small talk, even with people he called friends and he was far worse at it when he felt nervous (which usually happened around Lily or the students since he had no idea how he was supposed to react around them). He moved towards the view and looked out over the grounds of Hogwarts as well as parts of the impressive castle itself. He was careful not to glance down for long periods of time. Seeing that the two of them were alone, Snape dropped the whole Professor act and filed it away in the confines of his mind for later use.

"How are you, Shendeth?"

There was something odd about this boy. He had first noticed it when Lily decided to come to the school to play as a substitute teacher and the two of them had of course caught up a little bit since then. They had been best friends for so long in the past that it was rather easy to pick up old roles once again... Shendeth was different from Harry; vastly so. Severus wasn't sure why, but a part of him simply assumed that not all twins were alike. No one was a perfect copy of someone else; there were equal parts of both parents as well as the child's true personality layered on top of the history. It was definitely a mystery and of course that piqued the Potions Master's interest. There was something distinctly 'off' about Shendeth and he was determined to figure out what!

"Doing well, I hope. Your mother told me about her divorce from James Potter. I am sorry to hear that. How have you been holding up?"

[Shendeth Potter]

Shendeth was glad that the professor dropped the formalities, although his own demeanor didn't change. The lack of ability to make small talk was something they shared for the most part. How was he? Well, he'd been better, but he'd been worse. He was sorry about the divorce too, but he was coping okay. Whether Snape was actually sorry to hear the news on the other hand was something he couldn't help being skeptical of.

It was too bad things had ended the way they had for the family, but that was the only way it could be. Certainly there was no love lost between himself and James Potter. No James hadn't been a bad father in the sense that he hadn't really been abusive or anything, but they had never got on well. They say opposites attract, but it hadn't been so in their case.

For an answer Shendeth shrugged. "I'm fine." he said.
In an effort to prove it, he looked over at the man and smiled thinly. Now that they were up close it could be seen that they had the same shaped eyes. The only difference was that Shendeth's were a very dark green instead of pure black.
Needless to say he looked away again after a moment.

[snape]

Yes, surprisingly enough, Snape was sorry to hear about the divorce despite his known animosity towards James Potter. There was no need for the teen to be skeptical, but of course Shendeth didn't know that... yet. It was always a sad sight to see a family break up; however, it was far better than the alternative, he supposed. He sighed slightly before turning his attention back to the Slytherin student before him. He nodded his head a bit at the other, not truly believing the whole "I'm fine" comment. He said nothing about this though; no, his response was far more simple.

"Mm... That's good to know."

Severus gave a smirk and then he was silent for a bit, not sure what else to do. He stared down his long crooked nose at Shendeth as he tried to think of another subject to bring up. There was something definitely odd about the boy... Shendeth had some obvious attributes from Lily, both in appearance and personality, but there was no sign of James that Snape could plainly see. It was either some kind of anomaly such as having all of the mother into one body or the father was buried deep beneath the layers of everything else. (Snape had done much the same to his own link with Tobias).

There was also the chance that James Potter wasn't Shendeth's father. It was hard to believe when twins were in the equation, but it was a slim possibility. But even if James wasn't the father then who was?

"We haven't had much chance to talk alone before... I have to admit that I'm kind of curious about you, Shendeth. You really don't act like the rest of your family. There are some points of you that remind me of Lily, but you're also so different compared to your brother, Harry. And your father." Severus gave the teen a 'look,' as if he was trying to read the other's mind.

[Shendeth Potter]

Since it was true that they had never spent much time alone Shendeth stayed quiet and could only stare back. He wondered what the professor was thinking. Although he'd like to think so Shendeth couldn't know if he would have been a better father than James, the opposite was probably true. He didn't know anything about Snape outside of class.

However it seemed that they might be close to touching the subject after all. The professor's comment that he was curious about Shendeth did not go unnoticed, and he couldn't fool himself into not thinking that it might not be a good thing. But all he wanted was the truth. He couldn't go his whole life not knowing. Shendeth hoped they would continue and say it. He wouldn't be ashamed of who he was. It wasn't his fault, just like it wasn't his secret to spill.

"Oh.. oh really?" he managed to say when Snape said this, trying to keep his voice causal.

Then Snape continued on. So he'd started to notice after all. Shendeth shifted a little under the piercing look he was given. Talented for his age though he was, he probably wouldn't be able to stop him if the professor really did try to read his mind.
"So I've been told."
It was all he could think to reply. After all, although he had thought this already he hadn't talked about it with his mother; it was, or should be nearly as much of a mystery to him as it was to the man talking to him.

[snape]

"I don't know why I haven't noticed it before now..." The Potions Master muttered, more to himself than to anyone else.

He had been a Master Spy in the past and now here he was, completely missing some vital facts about Shendeth. He felt stupid and inferior. He was supposed to be good at noticing what was out of the ordinary or else he would be of no use to either of his Masters, but at least he didn't have to worry about the Dark Lord (yet). Severus was not an idiot. He knew that his Mark had faded over the years, giving him the assumption that it was able to disappear when Voldemort was finally defeated and since the Mark was still there then so was Voldemort. Somehow, somewhere, the Dark Lord was alive, biding time...

Snape brought his mind back to the task at hand, bending his will to one area of interest: Shendeth. "Maybe it's just in your personality though. I severed many links between my father and I, after all."

Of course there were still some obvious attributes that he had inherited from Tobias, such as his nose, but he had always taken after Eileen more anyhow; probably the reason why he was a wizard (or a 'freak') to begin with. That line of thinking didn't sit well with Severus though because he knew from his own experience what it meant: abuse.

"Are you close to your father, Shendeth? Is he a good man? I never saw much of James past his Gryffindor rivalry."

[Shendeth Potter]

It so happened that Shendeth was just as curious about Snape as was the opposite. He supposed he couldn't expect him to have noticed those things before, if he hadn't been looking for them.

Nobody else with the last name Snape was known to him, so he knew nothing about the man's past or who he was or their relations. Though it made sense that he had been at school with James and they had been rivals. And apparently he might understand how Shendeth felt about James, even if his quality of relationship with his father had been on a completely different level.

It probably was just their personalities that made things the way they were. For a few seconds Shendeth was silent as he thought the question over, upon which he decided that being a good man and a good father could be two different things. Maybe James just wasn't cut out for being a parent. He'd never been able to be called abusive, only resorting to hitting when he was really angry.

Shendeth had been told by him how he'd fought for good and the Order of the Phoenix, against You-Know-Who before he'd been defeated, and that was something Shendeth knew he himself would never have done. No, he knew there were far crueler people in the world. But the relationship between them had never been right. It was part of the reason why Shendeth didn't like being called by James's last name. He wasn't sorry that they didn't share blood.

Looking back up at the professor he answered the questions honestly, knowing what his answer could mean.
"I don't think he's a bad man.. but no, we've never been close."

[snape]

Severus nodded his head slowly. Of course he doubted that James would have even wanted to be close to Shendeth after the boy was sorted into Slytherin, but that had only happened relatively recently in the grand scheme of things. Snape looked out over the impressive view of Hogwarts in silence for several long moments as he turned the information around in his head.

"My father and I weren't very close either; but then again most people would have considered him a bad man..."

The Professor revealed this rather easily, considering the circumstances. Now he normally didn't go around blabbing his secrets to everyone he met, but at the same time he was relieved that the student beside him had not experienced the same past he was subjected to growing up. In a way it almost felt... normal... to admit to it. Severus would never flatly say that he had been abused as a child; however, one small step was all it took. He moved away from the dizzying height after a moment and pursed his lips. He would have to bring his suspicions up to Lily at some point before he jumped to any conclusions. He could think of nothing more to say to Shendeth, which just made him feel awkward all over again.

"I apologize, Shendeth. I do not mean to pry. I'm only curious and I tend to question before I actually have enough time to think." The older man gave a brief sigh. He then offered something completely unexpected: "Feel free to ask me anything you want."

Anything... Such a broad term...

[Shendeth Potter]

Shendeth was a little curious about the professor's father, but there probably wasn't much more to say. Even if it made things more awkward for a minute he relaxed a little when Snape apologized. Today wasn't the right time for fully discussing the thing that had been on his mind, not so fast. The questions asked to him had only seemed natural at the moment, not like prying, and although he was ready he supposed they'd gone far enough. He hadn't imagined it going like this. But they were still on the bridge together and there was still room for more talking.

"It's fine." Shendeth said in response to the apology before thinking about what to say next.

It was his turn to ask a question.. but of course anything couldn't be anything. He wouldn't ask that question, so what to ask? To keep the talk going he should ask something. Shendeth could try asking a more personal question but even though his father, the professor had said ask anything he didn't know how he'd react, or what in that area he'd want to ask for that matter. Shendeth certainly wasn't the type to bombard someone with thousands of questions all at once as they came to mind. So he settled for something more innocent, on the outside at least, just for something to say.

"..You said you were at school with James, so you must've known my mother too.

..What were they like? Did you know her well?"

Watching the man, he couldn't help put a slight emphasis when asking about his mother. Of course she and James had told him all about their school days themselves, but it couldn't hurt to hear somebody else's point of view. It was something to ask. Although the professor and them had been in different Houses, they must have seen each other. Like his sister, or half-sister, Shendeth rarely called James 'father' outright, especially since he wasn't. Some people would think it wasn't right, but not right was the other way around.

[snape]

Severus was glad that the boy didn't jump on the slip that he had revealed. He wasn't sure if he was up to talking about his father yet. He probably never would be. Just thinking about Tobias again was enough to make him shudder under his facade and all of those painful memories concerning the filthy Muggle man floated to the surface again. The Potions Master frowned for a moment as he pushed the past back down, as he had always done.

"I knew your mother pretty well. We lived close to each other in our youth and we kind of bonded over the fact that I knew more about Magic than she did. We stayed friends even after we reached Hogwarts and were sorted into rival houses. Then something happened in our fifth year that forced us apart..."

But Severus wasn't in the mood to recall the 'Mudblood Incident' so he stopped there. He shoved his hands into his trousers as he turned his attention to James next.

"James and I never got along. He and the Marauders would pull jokes, pranks, or tricks on me just because I was there; because I 'existed.' I think maybe deep down we were both jealous of each other. James had everything I wanted: fame, fortune, glory, friends, a spot on the Quidditch team... And I had the one thing he didn't: Lily. My experience with James and the other Marauders only escalated the older we became. I'm pretty sure they even tried to kill me once."

[Shendeth Potter]

Shendeth did not interrupt, and simply listened until the professor was done reminiscing. His mind going over and taking to memory what he had just been told. Although he had just said that James wasn't a bad man, and he wasn't in the sense that he wasn't evil, honestly nothing that was said about the man was surprising. Maybe that was how James felt about Shendeth too. Shendeth hadn't been a particularly bad kid or done anything against him. James didn't know the truth, yet maybe Shendeth resembled Snape enough for him to have unconscious traces of those kinds of feelings toward them both. Harry was always the favorite one. If Shendeth's crime was existing then the Sorting and his gift definitely helped in making it so as well.

What was said about Lily brought up more questions. So Snape had known her. He said James was jealous of it, but then how had she and James ended up married in the first place? There was so much he didn't know. The professor was an old friend of Lily's, but they hadn't met until he came to Hogwarts. He wanted to know what had happened and why his mother had so far told him nothing. Shendeth didn't trust anyone to give the whole truth, and what Snape had mentioned could be insignificant. He didn't seem to want to talk about it which meant that his answer might not be the best but Shendeth couldn't help but ask anyway. If it was too far or angered the professor, oh well.

"Then what happened.. between you and her?"

[snape]

Severus glanced over at Shendeth and then looked away again. He was kind of surprised that this all seemed like new information to the Slytherin teen; he would have thought that Lily would have at least reminisced about the past a little... He really wasn't sure if he was the right person to tell the story, but he supposed that he had been the one to cause the rift so maybe he was the better choice. He was silent for a long moment before he gave a deep sigh.

"I called her a Mudblood."

A little frown twisted his lips as he remembered the incident. A couple of factors had caused the incident when he really thought about it. First of all his mother had just passed away over Christmas Break during his fifth year and he had been hurting badly from her death, but had not known how to ask for help at the time. Secondly were of course the Marauders, who had pranked him on an almost constant basis ever since he had arrived at Hogwarts and presented himself as an easy target... Perhaps they had gone far enough or maybe he had finally cracked under the pressure so he had lashed out at the only person who seemed to care. Then there was the incident itself, which had been humiliating. Anyone with enough brains would have been outraged at having their underwear exposed to the whole school...

"Of course I tried to apologize, but I have to admit that there was no excuse for my actions and Lily knew that. She refused to listen to me and we drifted apart. After that I turned back to my Slytherin friends."

[Shendeth Potter]

Lily had in fact done some reminiscing over the years. It just hadn't been about this, at least not in detail. Instead Shendeth and Harry had grown up hearing about the Marauders and their adventures. He knew they had pranked people. It was hard to believe that they could have been any worse or stupider than they still were now, but it sounded like they had been.

When Snape explained what had happened, Shendeth wasn't really sure what to say. He didn't know if one insulting word was enough to end a friendship, but then it must depend on the situation. He didn't think anything bad of the professor because of it. At least he had tried to apologize, if that was true. Shendeth was pretty neutral when it came to the blood status thing.

He didn't often disagree with his friends who thought otherwise, as he supposed that although they used the word a lot purebloods did have some right to act like that, they were purebloods after all. But being quite far from pureblood himself he knew that it shouldn't really matter. Over the past few summers he had gone out exploring the Muggle world rather than be stuck at home, even trying to make friends with some, and had not been unimpressed. Shendeth was not above calling enemies Mudblood if they were, but probably wouldn't to a friend, at least not in an insulting way.

"Oh." He didn't sympathize but he could understand, if Snape was really telling the story like it was.