No More Secrets || Sev & Shendeth

[krisy]

Lily couldn’t help but fume. How dare he tell Shendeth without her? It was their secret to tell, and now she was finding out that Severus went behind her back and told their son their secret. It was taking all of her strength not to lash out at her old friend. But she knew that she should have been there when Shendeth was told. She needed to know how he reacted. Lily couldn‘t help but wonder what Shendeth thought of her.

She glanced to her left, rolling her eyes at the man walking beside her. “I can’t believe you Severus.” Lily muttered as they passed a group of first years heading towards the Great Hall. “Would it have killed you to have waited for me?” She wanted to say more, but knew that the conversation would be better behind closed doors. Lily inhaled deeply, before letting out a slow stream of air. She needed to be calm, but when she was angry it was a hard task to accomplish. It was one of the stereotypical Gryffindor traits that seemed to fit her to a T.

She took to the flight of stairs; making her way down to the dungeons. Their footsteps echoing off the stone walls. It was times like these when she wished Severus was easier to read. But like her son, she knew that Severus was a man of solitude.

[snape]

Severus Snape walked silently beside Lily, not saying a word. He knew she was angry with him. He could read it all in her body language; however, there was nothing that he could do. Of course he knew that what he had done was wrong. He should have waited to tell Shendeth the truth. He should have grabbed up Lily after the paternity Potion came back positive and went to the Slytherin teen right away. They should have told him their secret together. It would have made more sense anyway... But Severus had decided to forgo that whole affair because he wasn't sure how Shendeth would react to the news or which person he would blame more: Lily or Severus... On top of that Snape felt guilty and responsible; like he should have figured out the truth long before now...

How could he not know? How could he not see it? He was supposed to be some great Spy, able to deduce conclusions with just a glance... Maybe he had never thought of it though. It had just been a fling - a one-night stand - and the chances of having twins with two different biological fathers was extremely rare so he had assumed that Shendeth was just the black sheep of the family. He pursed his lips somewhat as he listened to what Lily had to say and shook his head. They were in the corridors so he wasn't going to reply. He didn't want anyone to overhear them because that would only fuel even more rumors about him than there already were. He just let out a slow sigh and continued to walk.

It wasn't until they reached the dungeons when the young Potions Master felt more comfortable in opening his mouth. Classes were over for the day so there was no reason to worry about students hurrying about to their next subject or anything like that. The dungeons were also a quiet and secluded place, which most people (except the Slytherins) tended to avoid.

"It was a kind of spur of the moment thing, Lily. I just thought it would be the better course of action."

They reached Snape's office and he opened the door. He closed it and warded it to prevent anyone from entering. He had already sent Shendeth a note about meeting him in his office as soon as possible, but the teen would have to knock before being able to enter. The two adults only had a little bit of time to talk.

"I wasn't sure what his reaction may have been and... I wanted him to blame me more than you." Severus looked away. "What's done is done. He will be here soon. I think he was pretty much in shock the first time around so he might ask more questions this time."

[krisy]

Lily followed him into his office, taking a spot against the far wall. Her arms crossed over her chest as she studied him; taking in his every word. "It was a kind of spur of the moment thing, Lily. I just thought it would be the better course of action." She pursed her lips and straightened her back. “Severus you are not a man of spontaneity, and you do not get to decide by yourself what is best for our son!” The words seemed foreign as they left her lips. Of course she was always suspicious that Severus could be Shendeth’s father. But now they knew without a shadow of doubt that they share a child.

“You still had no right to leave me out of this. It would have been better coming from me. I’m his mother. I watched him grow. I have been there through everything. If anyone should have delivered such news to him it should have been me. All he knows you as is his professor!” The words might have seemed harsh, but they were true nonetheless. Even though much of her being was certain that she didn’t know Shendeth as well as she thought she had. Regardless she thought she should have been the bearer of bad news. But it wasn’t necessarily bad. Of course Shendeth probably thought she were a tramp for sleeping with someone while still married to James, and in a way she felt a bit like that. Even though it had only happened once.

She groaned before collapsing in chair in front of the desk; terrified of having to face her son. And even this wasn’t the worst of it. A time would come at some point when she would have to let Harry, James and Saphira know just how much she had screwed up. But despite all of that Lily was glad that Shendeth would have something of a father figure now.

[snape]

Severus quirked an eyebrow. "On the contrary. I can be quite spontaneous if I choose to be and I thought I deserved the right to tell him on my own. You've keep this to yourself for fourteen years. FOURTEEN YEARS, LILY!"

He scowled briefly. He then folded his arms across his chest and glared at her. She should have told him ages ago, when she had first suspected it. Or maybe Snape should have jumped to his own conclusions the moment Shendeth was sorted into Slytherin... He let out another sigh before allowing his arms to drop and sinking down into another chair. He crossed his legs and leaned back a bit. He didn't have anything else to say. What was done was done. There was nothing to do now except wait for Shendeth to show up.

[Shendeth Potter]

There had been time for Shendeth to think about what Snape had told him in his office that day, but not too much of it, when he had gotten the note telling him to go back again. They would be talking about the same thing, but this time Lily would be there. He was hesitant to confront them both at once, but of course he was going to go. Curious, he just wanted to know the truth, the whole truth, no matter how unpleasant it was. The real question though, was whether they would be willing to tell it. Shendeth still had mixed feelings about this whole thing.

When he had been a bit younger and first started to question all of this on his own, it had seemed like some great exciting mystery. The last traces of whatever made children young had allowed him to at least envision, even if he knew it definitely would never be, that this coming meeting would be a good one; that he would be able to forgive them if they said they were sorry and there simply had been a big mistake and they still cared, and that Professor Snape would take his dad James's place from then on and be a great father.

But life was not an idle, silly daydream. Certainly he was glad they had finally bothered to tell him something. Since he was not blind to the signs and had already suspected the truth, in time things would grow to become much worse if they never said a word. The fact that they had waited this long at all, though, was what made Shendeth not take it as well as he would have wanted to.

A tiny part of him wanted to forget all of this, run straight back home and reconcile things with James. Maybe he wondered if something was off, or Shendeth reminded him of his old enemy at times, but the Slytherin thought, hoped that he didn't know or have anything to do with this. Harry proved that the man could have been a better father, but the difference in treatment was because Shendeth could have been a better son. If his father wasn't in on this, and surely he at least would have said something if he had been, then Shendeth would actually forgive him and him alone.

If he was angrier at the moment he could very well enter the room and shout at his mother and Snape, tell them what horrible liars and bad parents they were, but he really didn't care who his biological parents were because he didn't need any and as soon as possible they could be happy because he was going to get out of their life, just leave and never come back. But of course he wasn't going to. More wrong didn't make things right and anyway, he didn't entirely feel like that. He didn't want to have to, he wanted to listen to what they had to say and let that first thought come as close to reality as it could.

The problem? He had been lied to all his life, and therefore he couldn't trust one word either of them said. No matter how convincing they were, even if he just let it go and accepted it, a part of him would always wonder if this wasn't real; always be suspicious and prepared so that it wouldn't hurt to find out he was right. A broken trust could never truly be repaired. Beneath everything, these thoughts would stay there like a little fly buzzing around the back of his mind, able to be ignored but not vanished.

Shendeth was calm on the outside as he approached the office door. He paused when he got there, hearing his father's raised voice from inside. The door was too thick or protected to make out the actual words, however, so he went ahead and took a deep breath, then knocked. Warily he pushed it open, staring hard at the room's occupants.

[krisy]

Lily wanted to snap back at him. Yes, she had kept it a secret and she knew it was wrong to keep father and son separated for so long. But just like Severus had said, ‘what’s done is done.’ The best thing she could do now was try to make it up to the both of them. She could only hope that both would forgive her. But with Sev’s attitude (which she had provoked) it didn’t seem too likely. She couldn’t even imagine what was going on in Shandeth’s mind.

A knock on the door chilled her to the bone. Her mouth went dry as she turned to watch her son enter. What was she suppose to do now? Was she to act like nothing at all had changed between them, even though every fiber of her being was telling her otherwise? How could things not change after what she was putting father and son through? Would Shendeth ever look at her them same? Would Severus? Lily couldn’t help but wonder if her son would no longer act like he was apart of her family. And Severus was no longer that little boy she once knew. He had changed so much over the years that she wondered if what they did have could be repaired.

She found her voice, “Hello darling.” She tried to offer him a small smile, as if telling him everything would be fine. But even she didn’t know if everything would be. “You should sit.” Lily gestured to the seat next to her, looking desperately at Severus for some sort of help, but it made her wonder if she would get any from him. A little bit of her wondered if the two of them would gang up on her, and blame her for all that had happened. And in a way she would understand if they did. She inhaled deeply trying to calm her nerves. “Perhaps I should call for some tea…” Her gaze took her to the fireplace, where she contemplated calling to the house-elves.

[snape]

Severus let out another sigh. Now was not the time to be criticizing Lily for her actions so he pushed it all to the back of his mind, like always. He shifted forward somewhat as the inevitable knock came and he couldn't help but to take a deep breath as Shendeth entered the office. He didn't know what to do now. He was beginning to feel nervous again so he decided that he would let Lily break the ice. He merely raised another brow when the redheaded woman looked to him for aide, but he was helpless and all he did was purse his lips somewhat until she glanced away again.

"I think we could use some tea." Snape agreed before calling out: "Trixie!"

Trixie was a relatively young House Elf who had been assigned to the Potions Master when he had first arrived at Hogwarts. All of the Professors had at least one personal House Elf that also worked for Hogwarts when their Masters didn't need them. She bowed low, her long nose almost touching the floor, and then stood up straight. Once Severus told her that he would like some tea for his guests, she disappeared. She came back shortly with a silver tray that had three little white cups with saucers, a white teapot, and a small white plate with blueberry scones on it. (She was always under the impression that Master Severus needed to eat more). She sat it down on the coffee table before leaving. Severus leaned forward, grabbed one of the cups, and poured himself some tea. He then poured out some more for Lily and Shendeth.

Once that was done he leaned back in his chair before sipping at the brew. He could go for a cigarette, but tea would work for now. The tea helped settle his nerves - much like a cigarette did - only it never lasted long. Then again neither did his cigarettes. He was silent for several long minutes then, not sure what to say.

"Shendeth... We called you here so that you could ask us questions or just talk. Whatever you want to do, really. If you're not ready for this conversation though and you need more time to take it in, then tell us. I'm sure Lily would understand..." He shot Lily a look then, as if to say not to argue with him. "I definitely would."

[Shendeth Potter]

Shendeth walked into the room, torn between glaring at them and just looking at the floor. He settled for looking anywhere but at Lily. However, he could still hear her, and came to sit at the very edge of the seat. When the tea arrived he didn't touch it, but calmly listened to his father speak without saying anything.

"I don't have anything to talk about."

Exactly what was he supposed to say or ask to the parents whom it now seemed he barely knew? There weren't any specific questions in his head. He had had the chance when he talked to Snape alone after all. Shendeth wasn't the type of person who ever asked any questions about anything, but instead figured out things on his own. He knew they had screwed up, and there wasn't much more to it that he cared about. Not right now at least. If there was one thing he didn't need at the moment though, it was more time. He'd had plenty of time to think about all of this. Years of it.

Eventually he turned to look at his mother, and he did not return her smile. "Why?"

The meaning of that was of course, why had she done what she did? The answer was obvious, she was very far from a perfect person, but part of this was that he had to hear her out. What would she say had happened and what was she thinking? She was probably ashamed and wished he'd never been born. There was little excuse for all of this and he wouldn't believe her if she said anything otherwise. Keeping it from them because she didn't want to ruin her family with James had worked out so well. Of course Shendeth was more inclined to blame her. Lily was the one who had raised him for fourteen years and not said a word.

[krisy]

The contempt she felt emanated from Shendeth was tangible. She had to busy her hands with tea just to keep herself from thinking of the uncomfortable talk that would soon take place. She was relieved and surprised when Shendeth said he had nothing to say. How could he not have anything to say? She had a lot she wanted to say. She wanted to apologize to both of them for keeping the secret, but her pride kept her from doing so.

But just when she thought she’d get off scot-free Shendeth asked ‘why.’ Why, what? Why she had slept with Severus? Why she kept it a secret? Why she waited so long to tell both of them? Either way she wasn’t exactly sure how to answer any of these questions without feeling some sort of shame.

Lily opened her mouth to talk, but nothing came out. She frowned and placed her cup and saucer on the desk, before folding her hand in her lap. She was about to look to Severus for some sort of help, but then thought the better off it. So she decided to answer how she perceived the question. “Well…it’s not like we planned it.” With her hands clasped together, she stared unblinkingly at the far wall. “It-it just sort of came about.” She sighed and dropped her gaze down to her twisted hands. “There was a lot going on back then. I was young. I made a mistake.” A mistake that effected 14 or so years of her and her family’s life. “People were fighting and dying. I went out once and ran into Sever-…your father. We became a little inebriated,” a little was a bit of an understatement as she and Severus barely remembered anything from that night. So much so that she ended up having to use a Pensieve just to go back and view them over again. Just to make sure her suspicions were correct. “Everything just snowballed from there really." She looked directly at Shendeth now. "I know I messed up. I know I broke my vow to James. I know it was wrong, but I can't honestly say I regret it. What I regret the most is not telling you two earlier.”