This Can't Go Well

[Scarlett Rosen]

Scarlett, for once in her lifetime, was not entirely sure why she was in detention. Sure she had got into a few fights recently, but none that any teachers had seen...Or at least none that her head of house had seen. So she had been mildly surprised when, on Wednesday evening, as she had been innocently sliding down the banisters, she had heard his voice ordering her to arrive at his office as 7pm on Friday.
She had come, not wanting to incur his wrath again, but also because curfew was drawing closer and closer and Filch was starting to prowl the hallways and the last place she wanted to be right now was in the common room. She didn't want another fight, or another hour or two of arguing.

She was almost there and was suddenly aware that what she was wearing might not be what her Head of House was looking for. She had already been told off once today about her uniform.
Sure, her shirt was a bit low cut, well, fairly low cut. But she didn't look slutty. And sure her skirt was not a school skirt, and was fairly short, but most of the other girl's were way shorter.
She did suspect the main problem was the accessories, and the hair, and the rather over dramatic make-up.
Ah well, there was nothing she could do about it now.
It was only a shame that she had left her robe in Charms earlier and as such, had nothing to hide the scars that lined the top of her arms.
Not that he would notice, teacher's never did.
She glanced at her watch, one minute.
She took a deep breath, knocked twice and pushed the door open.

[snape]

It had felt odd giving one of his precious snakes a detention; however, Severus knew that Scarlett needed help. He knew for a fact that she had gotten into a few fights even though he had never seen them first hand. He gave her a detention for sliding down a banister since it wasn't very lady-like and he shuddered to think of what might happen should she lose her balance... He had also noticed that she had taken to modifying her school uniform. The shirt was very low-cut and the skirt shorter than normal; however, it was fairly tame compared to what he had seen some of the other girls wear. Ms. Rosen usually had her outer robes over it anyway so it wasn't like it even mattered very much.

He was truly worried about her though. Maybe it was just his 'spidey sense' tingling or perhaps it was simply from his keen observation skills... Either way he knew something was wrong and he was the Head of Slytherin. It was his job to help his students. He was their adult figure while they were here at Hogwarts. He let out a sigh as he drummed his fingers on his desk and counted the seconds as they ticked by. Any minute now the fifth year girl would be knocking on his door. Almost as if on cue there came a couple of taps and before he could even say a word, Scarlett entered. He narrowed his gaze for a moment.

"Have a seat, Scarlett." He gestured to the chair. When alone with a student, Severus became much more personable. He called his little snakes by their first name and took care to tread as gently as he could, never knowing how they would react to him trying to intervene. He leaned forward. "Do you care to explain yourself? Why have you been getting into so many fights this year? I even heard that you turned against someone within our own house. You know how I feel about that. We must be united if we are to survive."

[Scarlett Rosen]

Scarlett stepped into the office and headed to the chair, sitting down on it, body relaxed. She found that tensing up made you look immediately guilty and while relaxed made you look cocky and arrogant, she was less bothered about the latter. To her credit she managed not to start fidgeting when he spoke, instead she glanced down at her shoes and took a deep breath.
She knew the fights he was talking about. None of them had been too bad, she had only had to go to the hospital wing once.
More specifically however she could remember the incident she was referring to.
She had got into a fight with Rosalie Dower at break when the girl had told her to get away from the common room because she wasn't a proper Slytherin. It hadn't come to blows until lunch when, as she walked along the second floor corridor, Keegan Stace, Rosalie's boyfriend, had attacked her.
Now, Scarlett might be small and covered in make-up, but she cast a few hexes and throw a few punches when she needed to.

She finally spoke up, looking away from her shoes to look him in the eyes.
"People just like hitting me Sir."
She gave him a half grin, remembering her last detention with him where she had found him smoking by the lake.
She closed her eyes for a moment and rid her mind of all of all of that and her face became serious.
"What if I can survive by myself...What if I have to survive by myself because there is no one for me to unite with.
Slytherin is my house, not my home, they have made that quite clear."
She gritted her teeth in contempt. Just because they didn't like her attitude, her way of showing cunning. They didn't like her red hair, as though she was carrying around a pet lion on her head.
That was why she was wearing so much red make-up at the moment, just to annoy them.

Outfit Of Amazingness

[snape]

"Hm..."

He wasn't sure what to say to that. He had no idea if Scarlett was being bullied or not. He therefore made a mental note to watch her more closely to see if she spoke the truth because he wouldn't tolerate such disrespect from his snakes. Her words struck a familiar cord within him. He had felt the same as a student. No one in his house ever offered him protection or safety when the Marauders were around; they just pretty much left him to his fate. This was the attitude he had been trying to change for the past ten years. He could care less about the other houses -- if they wanted to war with Gryffindor or whoever then he let them... It was when they warred against themselves that he really put his foot down.

"If what you say is true then make no mistake, I will deal with them. Do I make myself perfectly clear?" He gave her a hard glare. "However, if I find out that you instigated these fights without cause then you will be severely punished." Snape stopped speaking for a moment as he felt a tickle in his throat and drank from a glass nearby, which held water. "In the meantime... Tell me why you are wearing... this... instead of the regular school uniform?"

[Scarlett Rosen]

She couldn't help but roll her eyes, though she managed to direct it to the wall, rather than to her teacher. She suspected he would not take it to well, and it was not intended for him. It was more of a note of the irritation she felt when he spoke of her...no, their house. She did genuinely respect the man, it didn't stop her from trying to push the limits of his temper.
"I am not in the habit of lying to you.
For one thing you always know I am lying which renders the whole attempt useless."
She drawled, smirking as she looked at him. It was true that he did normally work out she was lying, most of the time he didn't yell at her for it, just told her off a bit which was fine.

She winced as he mentioned the uniform. It was bound to come up, she had just been waiting for the moment that he felt the need to bring it up. However she wasn't going to give in that easily.
She looked down at her uniform, a look of innocent confusion coming to her face.
"What do you mean, Sir? If it is about the skirt then I can only apologize, I couldn't find a proper one this morning."
She bit her ruby red lips and looked up at him from under her long, dark lashes. However she couldn't quite get the sparkle of mirth from her dark brown eyes as she held in a smile.
She gently tugged at her skirt, twisting the end between her fingers, as though nervous.
She realized a second to late however that the way she had moved her arm had revealed many of the scars on the inside of it.
She quickly moved her arms back, acting as though she was embarrassed by the accidentally pulling up of her skirt by her twisting of it.

[snape]

Severus gave a smirk at her first comment. It was true. Most of the Slytherins learned quickly to never lie to his face because he could always tell. Or if they did then they never did it again in the future. Some thought that he was a natural Legilimens because of this and he supported the theory by making eye-contact as well as other assorted facial expressions. In truth, while he was a master of Occlumency and could block his thoughts against a direct attack from the likes of Voldemort, he wasn't very good at Legilimency. Not only did he have to speak the spell, but he had to concentrate as well. The mind was a very private thing and he disliked invading that particular safety zone.

So how did Snape know someone was lying to him? It was simple. He had spent years honing his observation skills and he had always been quick to pick up on subtle hints and clues that the body displayed. This was what had made him such a great Spy in the past. This was what made him such a great Professor now. He pursed his lips for a moment while the girl told him that she hadn't been able to find her proper skirt and had chosen the one she was wearing as a substitute, but in his opinion that was no excuse. He could see the sparkle in her eyes and he knew she was smirking inside.

He shook his head slightly. Severus didn't really believe her; however, his concerns over her uniform were wiped away as she tugged at the skirt. Her outfit was a mild offense compared to the scars he had just seen. He felt his heart wrench at the sight. Merlin no. "I'll let it slide for now, but in the future I suggest you start wearing normal clothes unless you want to deal with even more detentions that is." He stood from his chair and walked around his desk. He was in prowl mode now as he wondered how to confront the issue without causing her to feel more upset. If she was cutting herself then he had to tread very carefully indeed. "Is something bothering you, Scarlett? Are you... all right?"

[Scarlett Rosen]

He knew.
He had seen them.
She knew it from the moment he said he would let the uniform slide.
Because he never just let things slide.
This time she bit her lip for real, sinking her white teeth deep into the bright red lip until it hurt. She realized what she had done when the pain kicked in and she closed her mouth, hiding her concern deep inside her where he wouldn't be able to see it on her face. Instead she kept her face composed, her eyes tracking him as he moved.
She let him ask her the question and let it hang in the air for a second.
What was wrong with her?
That was simple.
Everything.
Her Grandmother's death, it seemed trivial to other people but...She repressed a shudder remembering how the blood had been so thick on the sheets. How much of it there had been.
Cutting had shown her how easy it was, to die. Yet also how easy it could be to control her life and death, to stop herself from dying.
But then of course, there was the problems with her house...They hated her, for not being one of them. They hated her for who she was.
That hurt. It hurt so much. But she had been hurt before, so now that she knew who she was being hurt by, she turned it around into anger.
But there was too much, too much pain, too much anger.
When she cut herself it was inflicting pain on someone, it was hurting someone. Even if it was only herself.

She looked up at him and spoke, her voice clear and full of anger.
"I know you saw.
I don't care anymore.
And no, I am not fucking all right.
They hate me. My own house hate me. Because I want to smile once in a while, I want to show a flash of colour. I want to be human and I want to be Scarlett, not so primped up, tarty trophy wife Slytherin girl!"
Cutting makes all the bad stuff go away, it lets me control everything. I decide whether I am here tomorrow or not. Now I know how easy it was for her to die, how easy it would be for me."
Her tone never wavered, and neither did her gaze as she stared him straight in the eyes.

[snape]

Severus nodded. "I will speak to the other Slytherins about how they have been treating you, Scarlett. Just because you want to smile and be your own person is no reason for them to lash out. You've always been a little different from most of my snakes, but this is good. This is healthy. They could actually learn a lot from you and it's been obvious to me that the hat made no mistake during your Sorting."

He sighed for a moment before he paused nearby. He looked down at her with compassion that very few students actually saw. He felt incredibly sad that he had not seen her suffering before now. "I know cutting helps. It releases the tension. It causes you to feel less stress. You're in control of yourself, but the feeling never lasts. All of the bad stuff comes back after a while and you cut more and more. It's a vicious cycle, Scarlett." He was silent for a long moment. "I have some experience with this. I used to cut myself as well."

[Scarlett Rosen]

Scarlett dipped her head. It did feel good to have somebody compliment her eccentricity, rather than mock it. However she couldn't shake the feeling that he had to say that, anything else would have been wrong as he was a teacher and furthermore, her Head of House. But she pushed those feelings away.

She looked up at him as he spoke again and what she saw in his eyes surprised her. Was that...Kindness?
She was not stupid, she knew the cared about his students, but he had never expressed it so clearly. She dug her long, sharp nails into the bare skin of her thighs, pressing harder and harder to stop herself from crying or screaming. His words, they were too true. She shuddered, fighting the pressing in her throat that foretold sobs, or screams of agony.
He told her that he used to cut and she looked up, eyes desperate.
"I Don't Care. I want it to stop hurting."
She shuddered again, this time more violently.
"When I stop the nightmares come back. I HATE THEM!"
She lashed out suddenly, standing up quickly, the chair falling backwards. There was a pleading in her eyes, a desperate cry for help that she had suppressed for so long.
She darted forward, grabbing him by his robes, tears running down her cheeks and leaving a trail of dark makeup behind. her nails had left bright red scratches on her legs and the pins in her hair came undone and her bright red hair cascaded to her waist.
"Make it stop! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I can't take it! it hurts so much..."

[snape]

He didn't move as she began to shake more. His words were starting to effect her. She was close to the breaking point. He prepared himself for what was to happen next. Sometimes people snapped rather violently. He watched with a sort of detached air as she stood up so quickly that she knocked the chair aside. She was pleading. She was desperate. She was hurting inside. He could see it all in her eyes. He didn't even push her away when she darted forward, grabbed his robes, and started to cry. Severus wrapped a loose arm around her skinny waist, not really sure how she would take to this contact.

"Shh, child, I know. I know it hurts, but I am here. I will try to help you. I swear it and I am a man of my word, Scarlett Rosen."

And then people like Lucius wondered how he could be so kind and caring after what had happened to him in his past. This was why. What else was he supposed to do? Let his little snakes suffer as he had done? No fucking way. He wouldn't stand for it. Slytherins were more prone to these type of problems. Cutting and other mental health issues because most of them had been taught that to expose oneself was to expose weakness.

"Talk to me. Tell me what happened. I can help stop it if you just open up to me. None of what you have to say will ever get beyond this office."

[Scarlett Rosen]

Scarlett felt the tears flowing down her cheeks thick and fast. Her shivers has morphed into a constant trembling and she had given up on trying to be the proper slytherin and had given in to her emotions. He put an arm around her waist and she curled closer to him, seeking the comfort of another human being, something she hadn't felt in years.
His voice kept her from bolting the room and finding a corner to curl up and cry in before scratching her arms and legs until she bled.
Then he spoke again and she heard every word despite the choking sobs that wracked her slim body. She knew she could trust him. It hurt to admit it, but she was a mess. A mess of a girl who was held together by scars of old wounds.
She didn't look up at first, speaking into his chest.
"My Grandmother died when I was seven. She committed suicide by cutting her wrists. I was the one to find her. After she left...there was no one. She was the one who protected me from the nightmares. Now she is gone...They always come back, every night, but now they have her in them. Her body, the blood...so much blood.
I walk around the castle to stop them from coming back, the other girls don't like it when I scream."

The sound of her crying increased as she spat out the last words, disgusted by herself and her weakness.
"I wasn't enough. I was never enough to keep her here..."

[snape]

"I see." He said this gently.

The poor girl. Merlin help her. It sounded as if she had never spoken of the incident before and she was really broken up about it. Of course she was! She had only been seven years old. She had found the body and her grandmother had done a lot for her. He understood the connection that was there because it was the same one he had had with his mother. He tightened his hold around her a little as she snuggled in close. It was sad in a way that she was seeking physical affection from him. He didn't even really liked being touched. Snape was able to push aside his own personal difficulties though and focus on the problem at hand, as he had done so many times before.

"Oh, Scarlett... It is not your fault. Do not blame yourself for what your grandmother did. I am so sorry. I am sorry you had to go through that and that no one was there to protect you and help guide you through it like they should have been, but don't think for one minute that you aren't enough. Your grandmother was sick and you did not cause that anymore than you did her death. Do you understand?"

[Scarlett Rosen]

There was a tiny voice in the back of her mind telling her that this was odd, that one of the first people she had truly hugged in a long time was her teacher. She ignored it though, because she did not want to spoil the feeling of safety that engulfed her at the moment. She loved her parents and her sister, loved them more than anything and they knew something was wrong, they tried to help. But by the time her mask fell it was too late, she was in too far.
She looked up at him. She understood that her Grandmother had been depressed. But it still hurt to think that she hadn't loved life enough to hold on, because Scarlett had been part of that life.
But she could deal with that...Hell she could deal with the nightmares, if she had someone to hold on to, someone to care.

She looked up at him, her tear stained face, complete with running, messy makeup and she had never looked so young.
"Why do they hate me...All of them. Why am I not good enough for them, when people like Draco Malfoy and Shendeth Potter are."
Then her face creased into a frown of confusion.
"Why don't you hate me?"

[snape]

Severus sighed. She asked a mighty hard question. "People fear and reject that which they don't understand. They see in black and white, Scarlett. Slytherin is evil; Gryffindor is good. There is no gray, but the real world isn't like that. There is equal portions of good and evil in all of us."

He smiled slightly at her. "Why would I hate you? Why should I hate you? I have no reason to. You irritate me at times, yes, but that is different."

[Scarlett Rosen]

His words made sense, but that didn't mean she liked them. It was all to horrible to think about, that she was rejected because of the stupidity of her house mates.
She pushed those thoughts aside and his next words brought a tearful smile to her face, but also brought her back down to earth.
She had broken down.
It hadn't been pretty but it had happened.
She knew it had to happen at some point and now that it had she could move on.
She extracted her finger's from her teacher's robe and took a step back. Her breathing was heavy, but she relaxed her body as much as she could and tried to bring it back to normal.
Scarlett reached into her shirt and brought out a mirror from a small hidden pocket and glanced into it. She looked for barely a second before snapping it shut sharply and looking up at professor Snape.
"I've got makeup all over your robes. I do apologize sir.
And... Sorry for...Everything else."
Despite her attempt at normality her voice was strained and body tense, also there was a fear, a pain deep inside her eyes that her pretense at togetherness just couldn't get rid of.
"I will try to stop cutting, I promise. I just wonder, have you got anything for nightmares, it might help."
She suspected he would see through her lies quickly. Because although a potion might stop the nightmares, it was unlikely the other girls would let her sleep in the dorm anyway.